Quickies part 2

[red750]

Here's an oldie you've possibly heard, but here goes.

 

A nun gets up and heads to the dining room for breakfast. As she walks down the hall she meets another nun who says, "Get out of the wrong side of the bed Sister?" 

 

"No." she says and keeps walking. She meets another nun who says, "Morning Sister, get out of the wrong side of the bed this  morning?"

 

"No!" she says, becoming annoyed.

 

She enters the dining room, where again she is greeted with "Morning Sister, get out of the wrong side of the bed?"

 

She says "Why is everyone asking if I got out of the wrong side of the bed?"

 

"You are wearing the Bishop's slippers." was the reply.

[red750]

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest.

 

So, he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.

 

“Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?”

One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked – this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”
The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

[red750]

I thought April Fools Day had come early.

 

I just went to 7-Eleven to get petrol at $1.29.9 per litre (it's just gone up to $1.69.9 at most other service stations around here). 

 

There was an advertising video screen behind the counter. Now we've all heard of strawberry flavoured milk, chocolate flavoured milk, iced coffee flavoured milk. Now there's a new one. 

 

"Try it here first" said the ad. "New.. Peanut Butter flavoured milk."

 

They've got to be joking. That would be like eating your peas with honey, although it would keep them on your knife.

[nomadpete]

Somewhere in the distant past some bent person told me that one........

 

I eat my peas with honey,

I've done it all my life,

It makes the peas taste funny,

But it keeps them on the knife.

 

(I think an American taught him, but they use maple syrup on eggs and bacon)

[old man emu]

That some bent person was Spike Milligan, and not some Yank

[nomadpete]

Likably bent for sure.

Nevertheless definitely bent in a brilliant way.

My apologies for suggesting it might be a American ditty. Spike would have been mortified.

[spacesailor]

Did,nt he come to Our Australia? .

spacesailor

[octave]

35 minutes ago, spacesailor said:

Did,nt he come to Our Australia? .

spacesailor

 

Spike's mother lived in  Woy Woy so he did visit a lot.   As well as being incredibly funny he was also a pretty competent musician.  Spike played jazz trumpet he also did some composing.   A friend and ex colleague of mine arranged and produced this Spike Milligan composition.   Grand Waltz for Brisbane Waters

 

Grand Waltz for Brisbane Waters, composed by Spike Milligan

 

[Yenn]

I think the peas with honey came from a childrens book, can't remember the author but he was well known and also wrote "Green eggs and ham"

Spike was definitely funny and his home was in Rye in England. One day when I was over there on holiday I visited my mother in Hastings hospital. This little old bloke wandered in as I was leaving and looked vaguely familiar. My brother asked me if I knew who it was and then explained that it was Spike Milligan, Poor old bloke, he looked decidedly unhappy and unwell and was relying on their National Health Service. Not a good way to be, especially if you look at Englands handling of Covid.

I really was amazed that a national treasure such as Spike could be in such dire straits.

[pmccarthy]

I can guarantee the pees with honey poem was well established before 1968 because I recited it that year.

[octave]

I Eat My Peas with Honey

BY ANONYMOUS

I eat my peas with honey;

I've done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny,

But it keeps them on the knife.

 

Notes:
This poem was recited on the February 2, 1944 broadcast of the radio program "It Pays to Be Ignorant." According to the Estate of Shel Silverstein and the archivists who oversee his literary works and manuscripts, Shel Silverstein did not write this poem.

Source: The Random House Book of Poetry for Children (1983)

 

 

 

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42908/i-eat-my-peas-with-honey

[Marty_d]

11 hours ago, red750 said:

"Try it here first" said the ad. "New.. Peanut Butter flavoured milk."

 

I've tried peanut butter ice cream, it was delicious.  Next time you're in there Peter, why don't you test it?  Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised!

[old man emu]

How about peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches?

[onetrack]

I believe the, "I eat my peas with honey" poem was written by Ogden Nash, and dates from the late 1920's or early 1930's. It certainly sounds very much like his style.

[Jerry_Atrick]

One of my favourite line of chocolate bars is Reese's, where they do exclusively peanut butter based choclote bars. They weren;t in Aus when I first emigrated, but as my first stop was the US, I quickly found them there. They are the bees knees.. I am sure you can get them in Aus now (though I don't recall seeing them).

 

Peanut butter goes with just about anythjing... and I think it will be the next big thing of flavoured milk..

 

https://www.hancocks.co.uk/reese-s

 

[old man emu]

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

I believe the, "I eat my peas with honey" poem was written by Ogden Nash, and dates from the late 1920's or early 1930's. It certainly sounds very much like his style.

It did appear in a book of children's poems   and is attributed to Spike and is in his style.

 

It is similar to Ogden Nash's style and he did write a number of poems for his own children that have domestic themes. Elsewhere the poem is attributed to Anonymous, and some say it hails from Boston USA. Perhaps it is simply one of those old poems  like "London Bridge is falling down" and the like whose authors have passed into antiquity.

[Old Koreelah]

[red750]

 The teacher was telling the kids at a Banora Point school about the birds and bees and explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and says to the teacher " Are you sure about the stork miss, cause I think you’re getting your birds mixed up, cause my sister just had a baby and she said it was from a shag on the beach at Coolangatta ".

[red750]

Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. 

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 
 
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
 
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 

'Who are you?' he asked him.
 
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
 
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 
 
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. 
 
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! ' 

 

[red750]

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.  

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 
 
'I'm 90 years old,' he says. 
 
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 
 
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' 

[red750]

This happened yesterday and is important information for our age group.

 

 Tony Axelsen  had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to notice blurred vision on the way home.

 

When Tony got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

 

He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses.

[red750]

12 things my mum taught me

1. Appreciate a job well done
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside; I’ve only just finished cleaning.”

2. Time travel
“If you don’t behave, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

3. Logic
“Because I said so, that’s why!”

4. Foresight
“Make sure you’ve got clean underwear on in case you’re in an accident.”

5. Osmosis
“Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.”

6. Contortion
“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck.”

7. Stamina
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”

8. Terrorism
“Your room looks like a bomb’s hit it.”

9. Solving physics problems
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, THEN would you listen?”

10. Oxymorons
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – don’t exaggerate.”

11. Improvement by example
“Stop acting like your father.”

12. Envy
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have parents as good as yours!”

[spacesailor]

SO TRUE

spacesailor

[red750]

Two items for your bucket list:

 

-Ice

- Beer.

[spacesailor]

Two more for that same bucket list !.

Same ICE just crushed better, AND Champagne.

Soon be a Diamond wedding anniversary.

Were to buy champagne? .

Woolies or Aldi,s !. LoL

Do l buy it, or put it on the ' shopping list '.

spacesailor