Quickies part 2

[Old Koreelah]

[old man emu]

Why aren't the Yanks consistent with their spelling? They spell "aluminium" without the final "i", but spell radium, and unobtanium with it. I hear they are spending squillions on refining eludium for covert actions by the CIA.

[Yenn]

Probably for the same reason that Victorians get upset when you pronounce Talangatta the same way as Coolangatta, but don't follow suit with Wangaratta.

[red750]

[old man emu]

Something was stinking in my backyard. I discovered that it was a dead crow - rotten to the caw.

[Marty_d]

Show a bit of respect to the departed, OME, or the rest of the murder will have you up before the beak.  That'll be a black day - you won't be crowing.

[pmccarthy]

No, they were all holding a wake down at the crow bar.

[facthunter]

At the Crow bar they will be appraising the thing used for prising. Nev

[red750]

I received this in an email from a friend. Apparently true.

 

BROTHEL SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

 

What an interesting turn of events in Pahrump, Nevada...Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.

 

Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand re-opening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground! After the brothel burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer”.

 

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means”.  In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and vociferously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

 

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit.”

[old man emu]

46 minutes ago, red750 said:

BROTHEL SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE!

 

Starting with the name of the town, this sounds like a joke. But there actually is a town in Nevada by that name. And there are several famous legal brothels there, but not the Diamond D. There is a Baptist church on the same road, and quite a few others throughout the town. As for the story? I think I've heard it about some other unnamed place.

[rgmwa]

9 minutes ago, old man emu said:

 

And there are several famous legal brothels there, but not the Diamond D. 

It burned down.

 

[Yenn]

Typical of Christian religion. Pray like mad, pretend to believe in the power of prayer, but really know it is all Bull.

 

[facthunter]

Fire and Brimstone for you. There will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.   Nev

[red750]

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,
When we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said
she "didn't think she'd get sunburned
because the car was moving." 

 

They Walk Among Us! 

[red750]

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

 

They Walk Among Us!

[red750]

[old man emu]

While I was discussing the insurance needs for that event I'm planning, the broker told me about a very well endowed gigolo who was wanting to buy some Pubic Liability insurance.

[facthunter]

PLeeeze Explain .........Pauline..... (you know I don't have your experience.)

[old man emu]

1 hour ago, facthunter said:

PLeeeze Explain .........Pauline..... (you know I don't have your experience.)

What part of "he had a colossal tossle " didn't you understand? 

[red750]

Nev, read OME's post again CAREFULLY. There is an L missing.

[facthunter]

  Yeah I must clean my glasses. Sandshoes all. Nev

[Marty_d]

5 hours ago, old man emu said:

While I was discussing the insurance needs for that event I'm planning, the broker told me about a very well endowed gigolo who was wanting to buy some Pubic Liability insurance.

Knowing insurance companies, his premiums would be charged by the inch.

[nomadpete]

Is that a form of linear charging..... Or logarithmic?

[old man emu]

He was insuring against the ill-effects of exponential growth.

[pmccarthy]

Its just inflation.