Jerry_Atrick Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 What's brown and sticky? . . . .. . A stick! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 OK. Congratulations we have hit the bottom of the barrel. Please can we now start in the other direction? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 8 Author Share Posted April 8 That was a schoolboy joke when I was in primary school, also told by Alice on Vicar of Dibley. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post red750 Posted April 9 Author Popular Post Share Posted April 9 An elderly lady arrived home from church to find a thief in her house. She shouted at the top of her voice "ACTS 2:38", the verse that says "Repent and be baptised." The thief froze, and remained till the police arrived to arrest him. As the officer was walking him to the patrol car, he asked "Why did you freeze when she called out the scripture"? The thief said, "Scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two .38's" 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 9 Author Share Posted April 9 My father once told me to put a potato in my swimmers to attract more women. He forgot to say put it in the front. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post facthunter Posted April 9 Popular Post Share Posted April 9 Remove it and you are starch naked..Nev 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 10 Author Share Posted April 10 An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down..' 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 10 Author Share Posted April 10 Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted April 10 Share Posted April 10 4 minutes ago, red750 said: 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down..' Senility is when you buy two sausage rolls for lunch; decide to eat only one; read the posts here while eating, and then find that the other sausage roll is gone, but you can't remember eating the second one. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted April 10 Share Posted April 10 Just the same with ' chocolate ' & ' icecream ' . spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 10 Share Posted April 10 Bars of chocolate while you're watching some thing, or chocolate coated peanuts. WHO can leave some? Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted April 10 Share Posted April 10 14 hours ago, facthunter said: Remove it and you are starch naked..Nev He's a chip off the old block. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmccarthy Posted April 11 Share Posted April 11 I had a real breakthrough last night. The toilet paper failed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 11 Author Share Posted April 11 I see Polly Waffles are back after 15 years. Well, not the same as they were. These ones are bite sized balls. Remember the old prank, Polly Waffle in the swimming pool? Looked like a floating turd. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octave Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 At Bondi at one stage they were called Gob stoppers.. Nev. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 1 hour ago, facthunter said: At Bondi at one stage they were called Gob stoppers.. Nev. The surfers called them Blind Mullet 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litespeed Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Bondi poo bergs or Bondi floater 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 " poo bergs & Bondi floater ". I've heard of frequently. Stinks doesn't it . spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Great when your most famous Beach has a $#!t pipe close enough to be a consideration as to the desirability of going in...Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 Many is ' much ' the same . I no-longer swim at either beach. CLOVELLy beach is far better . spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 13 Author Share Posted April 13 Three friends, George, Alan and Richard, die in a car crash and go to heaven. When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets them, giving them the usual spiel that everyone gets when they’re about to enter, and as they are walking in he says ” By the way, I almost forgot the new rule. Whatever you do, don’t step on a duck.” The three friends think this is an odd rule, but they agree to it and step in. The second they enter they realise that the final rule might be harder to follow than they thought. Heaven is TEEMING with ducks! Try as they might, they quickly realise that avoiding the birds is going to be a difficult task. Then it happens, “QUACK!” George and Alan look over in shock as Richard steps on a duck. Quickly, an angel rushes over with one of the most unattractive people the three of them have ever seen. “Because you stepped on a duck, you are condemned to spend the rest of your time in the Kingdom shackled to this person. Have a good eternity.” The angel shackles the two together and flies off. After seeing what happened to Richard, the other two are warier of the consequences and begin treading extremely lightly. The two of them make it another three days before, on the dawn of the fourth day, a loud “QUACK” is heard. George looks at Alan, wide-eyed, fearing the worst. The angel rushes over, ties Alan to a hideous being, and flies away. George is now petrified that this will be his fate and becomes incredibly paranoid, barely walking anywhere. He lasts one week or two weeks, but at the beginning of the third week, an angel brings one of the most stunningly beautiful people he has ever seen, shackles the two of them together, and flies off. Bewildered and excited, George proclaims, “Wow! What did I do to deserve this?” And the person he is shackled to turns and replies “I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 Is THAT IT? Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted April 14 Author Share Posted April 14 Sex between three people is a threesome. Sex between two people is a twosome. Sex with one person is handsome. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 It's a sin to modify another person's joke, but mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa here goes. Sex with one person is alonesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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