red750 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 A new toy has hit the shelves - a talking female Muslem doll. No-one knows what she says - they're not game to pull the string. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 A bit longer than a quicky, but it's a goody. Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless) Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!! When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship... When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot." P.S. I know some of you are not over 70. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are....... I figured your sense of humour could handle it...If not... find a sense of humour.... We all need to have one of these !!!. We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle. EH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spacesailor Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 ? Garage door remote, TV remote, I thought you were MARRIED. Open the garage honey ! Turn on the footy honey !. I must have a good one !. Put my socks & shoes on me, honey, I can't get down that far to touch my shoes, never mind touching your toes. LoL spacesailor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry_Atrick Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 If this is posted in funny videos, sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
storchy neil Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 not good advice space as I recuperate in hospital neil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 My kids threw up after I told them I'd put Ginger in the curry. They loved that cat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David2ayo Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 I really love cats too. We should exchange recipes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I went into the library last week and asked the librarian if there are any books on paranoia. She looked at me, leant forward and whispered... "They're right behind you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Breaking News flash from France. A large cheese warehouse to the south of Paris has experienced a massive explosion. Police say it is not terror related but that there is de Brie everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 The guy who invented the USB connector died... They lowered the coffin into his grave. Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Koreelah Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Stop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Since radio stations decided to pull “Baby it’s Cold Outside” from their playlists because someone was offended, I feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well. Do so immediately. 1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to soft-core porn and cheating on daddy. 2. The Christmas Song: Open fire? Pollution. Folks dressed up like Eskimos? Cultural appropriation 3. Holly Jolly Christmas: Kiss her once for me? Unwanted advances 4. White Christmas? Racist 5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town: Sees you when you’re sleeping? Knows when you’re awake? Peeping Tom stalker 6. Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Everyone telling you be of good cheer? Forced to hide depression 7. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Bullying 8. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas: Forced gender-specific gifts: dolls for Janice and Jen and boots and pistols (GUNS!) for Barney and Ben 9. Santa Baby: Gold digger, blackmail, hooker 10. Frosty the Snowman: Sexist; not a snow woman 11. Do You Hear What I Hear: blatant disregard for the hearing impaired 12. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Make the yuletide GAY? Wow, just wow 13. Jingle Bell Rock: Giddy up jingle horse, pick up your feet: animal abuse 14. Mistletoe and Holly: Overeating, folks stealing a kiss or two? How did this song ever see the light of day? 15. Winter Wonderland: Parson Brown demanding they get married…forced partnership 16. The Hanukkah song- I'm not Jewish, don't force your religion on others. 17. Grandma got run over by a reindeer- promotes a hit and run..also I don't want my kid to think there's no such person. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 18. Six White Boomers: Animal abuse - Six white boomers, snow white boomers, Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun. 19. Six White Boomers: Paedophilia - Come up on my lap here, son, and have a look around.' 20. Dashing through the Bush: Dangerous driving, unroadworthy vehicle, unrestrained animal in cabin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 I think it's understood that Hens lay them.. Are there free and captured Ranges?. Nev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I always appreciate a hearty egg and bacon breakfast, the morning after a good lay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 It's the makin' bacon that I like most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadpete Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 It's the makin' bacon that I like most. Free range, or barn laid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Don't care. Anywhere I can get on the nest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Don't care. Anywhere I can get on the nest. Sounds like you'd get on well with our rooster. Actually, you may be in competition with him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry_Atrick Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Breaking News flash from France. A large cheese warehouse to the south of Paris has experienced a massive explosion. Police say it is not terror related but that there is de Brie everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old man emu Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Heck, Jerry. I thought it was a Gouda one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry_Atrick Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Heck, Jerry. I thought it was a Gouda one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA. Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Xmas shopping done. That's 15 minutes of my life I won't get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red750 Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 They say sex with two women is a threesome, sex with one woman is a twosome. Now I know why they call you handsome. Merry Christmas all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 Merry xmas Red! And to all. May your flights, drives, and sex all be safe. (And carrying on with Red's theme, you know what the safest is!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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