Quickies part 2

[onetrack]

Ahhh, but .... since the advent of crowbars, the Police have identified a major problem with them. Every time there's a gathering of crows at a crowbar, there's a murder ........

 

 

[pmccarthy]

My friend Russel says that isn't  true. 

 

 

[old man emu]

There's been 'owls of complaint in the parliament

 

 

[onetrack]

It now appears that at least one of the dead crows wasn't murdered - he just kaaarked it.

 

 

[old man emu]

Now someone's got to face the Beak because some stool pigeons sang like canaries. 

 

 

[pmccarthy]

They didn’t sing, they were just raven.

 

 

[old man emu]

No, they definitely sang. I read it in twitter.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

They were in South Australia so it was self defense.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Lightning does not mean to startle people. . . . . .

 

 It just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

 

 

[Bruce]

I well remember the Argonauts, and I doubt that anything so obviously sexual as that song " dashing away with the smoothing iron"would have been deemed proper.

 

But, bugger, I missed Mac's last day when he mistakenly thought the session was over and he made a rude remark about the listening " girls and boys " ( no kids on the ABC in those days ). I think he got the sack.

 

In Alice Springs in the 1950's, there was only the ABC. Down in Adelaide, you could listen to bad people like Elvis on the radio... I liked coming to Adelaide.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

We were not allowed to change the Mullard off the ABC station. So I got a treacle jar and saved my pennies until I could buy a diode and earphone and made a crystal set with a coil wound on a toilet roll tube. A variable capacitor came from the local tip. Then I could listen to Elvis.

 

 

[old man emu]

Strewth you were lucky! We couldn't afford toilet rolls. Had to make good with sheets cut from the SMH and hung on a nail on the back of the door. 

 

 

[red750]

When I was in primary school, my parents and grandparents had a cabinet radio like the one on the left below. We lived in the country with limited stations, mainly 3AR and 3LO, both ABC stations. Later, we got a mantel radio (centre). When I left school in 1960 and moved to the city for work, and boarded, I bought myself a transistor radio similar to the one on the right, and could listen to the 'pop' stations, (3UZ, 3XY, etc) and could listen to those 'horrible' Rolling Stones and the like. Who knew they would still be performing 50 years later. We didn't have a TV at home, and would visit the neighbours to watch TV. It wasn't until the family moved to the city that I rented a Singer TV (23in B&W) for the house.

 

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[red750]

Strewth you were lucky! We couldn't afford toilet rolls. Had to make good with sheets cut from the SMH and hung on a nail on the back of the door. 

 

Like this model made at the Men's Shed.

 

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[facthunter]

 The following is dangerous with newspapers ' Reading it, believing it and wiping your ar$e with it .The poison will get you in all 3  You can wrap fish and chips in it if you use a plain liner. You can use it to start a fire,  make cheap origami, but trees deserve a better purpose.  Nev

 

 

[nomadpete]

The Murdoch's and packers did fairly well by recycling trees into money......

 

 

[Phil Perry]

No, they definitely sang. I read it in twitter.

 

You're on Twitter Mate ?  HEY, that's a coincidence, I just joined too !. . .Only for Wholesome sensible reasons of course.  So far, I've only used it to rubbish people who don't agree 1000 percent with what I think. . . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

When I was in primary school, my parents and grandparents had a cabinet radio like the one on the left below. We lived in the country with limited stations, mainly 3AR and 3LO, both ABC stations. Later, we got a mantel radio (centre). When I left school in 1960 and moved to the city for work, and boarded, I bought myself a transistor radio similar to the one on the right, and could listen to the 'pop' stations, (3UZ, 3XY, etc) and could listen to those 'horrible' Rolling Stones and the like. Who knew they would still be performing 50 years later. We didn't have a TV at home, and would visit the neighbours to watch TV. It wasn't until the family moved to the city that I rented a Singer TV (23in B&W) for the house.

 

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I've loved messing around with radios since i was about 5 yo. . . Built my first transistor job from a kit at 7,. . didn't work at first because of my lack of proficiency at soldering. . .but I finally got it going.  Used to listen to an hour of 'pop' on radio Luxembourg, but Mum used to take it away at 11 pm because of school in the mornings. . . ( sobs)

 

 

[red750]

Pope Francis has a wry sense of humour. He tells the following story.

 

"I was visiting the zoo. A man ran up and yelled, 'My mother-in-law just fell into the crocodile enclosure.' I said, 'What do you want me to do?' He said. 'Pray for the crocodiles.'"

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Three guys Steve, Bruce & Dave are working on a high rise building when Steve falls to his death. The other two have to decide who is going tell Steve's Mrs the bad news.

 

Dave decides he'll do it as he's good at the caring sentimental stuff, so off he goes. 3 hours later he's back with a 24 slab of beer under his arm.

 

"Where did you get that ?"asks ... Bruce. "

 

"Steve's Mrs gave it to me". says Dave.

 

"So you told her that her husband's dead and she gave you a slab of beers?".

 

" Well not exactly", when she opened the door I said "Hi you must be Steve's widow".

 

She replied that "she wasn't a widow".

 

I said, " I bet you a 24 slab that you are. . . ."

 

 

[Phil Perry]

My reply to an insurance Company Query RE my injuries.

 

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working along on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind. . . .

 

I let go of the rope . . .

 

 

[facthunter]

Nothing to do with planning. It's multiple consecutive instances of lack of situational awareness. Nev

 

 

[Yenn]

Phil. That story is older than the internet. Used to be called "Why Murphys' not at work today"

 

 

[Phil Perry]

True, but (probably) only Thee and Me are old enough to know that Mate.  ?

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Put my phone under the pillow last night.

 

Woke up to find it was gone and a £1 coin in it's place.

 

Sodding Bluetooth Fairy...?