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My Biggest Regret This Week...


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We all do silly things we "regret".. in other words that embarress us. So, I thought I would start a thready - confession if you will - but of a more light hearted nature. Within my team, we have the sayong of the week, where we record something we said in a meeting that came out a little wrong..


So, I will start... Today, at work, in an instant messaging chat with a female colleague, we were boasting about our most bebaucherous drinking experience. At the end of the conversation, I thought I would be funny and say, "After all that, I have decided I need a new liver".. Sadly, as you guys know, I have a few typos now and then.. and the "o" is next to the "i".. There was radio silence and then.. "What will your partner think?"

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22 minutes ago, Jerry_Atrick said:

as you guys know, I have a few typos now and then.

Now and then? A few? You need to proof-read, Jerry. I'm always editing my posts. Some errors I don't pick up till a couple of days later, but still correct them when I find them. I often don't press the keys hard enough, particularly to the left end of the keyboard, so drop E's, D's, S's etc frequently.


I got to the end of the above paragraph, read it, and found I had dropped the W from always. There you go.

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1 hour ago, facthunter said:

Porsches with the skis on the roof

Were they snow skis? I always called them fence palings.

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

I'm just wondering, when did OME learn to write in Nigerian?

A Nigerian Prince asked me to handle a monetary transaction and as payment he enrolled me in a linguistics course delivered by the National Open University of Nigeria, which is located in Victoria Island, Lagos. I past with honus and have the gradjuashun sustificate to proove it.

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1 hour ago, Marty_d said:

I see what you did there...

Writing - National Open University of Nigeria - acronym NOUN, a class of words whose function is to give a name to things, used in writing. You think me much too witty, but thank you for your high opinion of me.


For Truth must be upheld. I did actually find it in a Wikipedia entry when I was searching for the names of universities in Nigeria. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_universities_in_Nigeria


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Ha.. I worked in the London office of a company based in San Francisco. When a mate got transferred to the SF office, he apparently garnered a lot of interest when he announced he was going downstairs to "bum a fag". 


When I was a kid, we used to say we would whack off to mean either leave quickly or, steal something. You can imagine the looks I got when in a meeting with bigwigs of a utility in Philadelphia, I stated, "I have to whack off at 3; i have a 5:30 flight". 


In my first summer in London, I went to the local woolies looking for thongs. I couldn't find any. At the checkout, I asked the 16 year old cashier, "Excuse me.. do you sell thongs." A little blushed, she responded, "No, sir.. You can't get thongs at Woolworths.". Hmmm.. So, I asked her, "Well, where may I get myself a pair of thongs?" Rather embarrassed, she nervously quipped, "at a lingerie shop, sir." I was a little irate now, "Why on earth would I go to a lingerie shop to get something for my feet." As she was pushing the button for security, she realised what I meant. "Oh, sir you mean flip-flops.. we are out of them at the moment.." 


After my partner and I moved in together, we decided my uncomfy furniture had to go. We entered a shop that was not too dissimilar to Franco Cozzo. "Oh, this is a bit woggy" I proclaimed, in not too loud a voice. A hush descended on the shop and virtually everyone was looking at me sternly. My partner, rather irately asked, "What did you say?!?!" Having already worked out what I said was not the done thing, I said, "er, sorry; in Australia it's a reference to Adriatic culture - was offensive, but not really now.." We left quickly, and she explained in the UK it is a highly offensive reference to black people being short for Golliwog. When we moved to Melbourne, my partner almost had a heart attack, as emblazoned on the sign over the Athaneum theatre was, "Wogs out of Work", which I wanted to go and see, but for some reason, we never did. 


When my daughter was born, my mother sent over a Golliwog!

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A employee who became a good friend moved to Moree to work for a cotton farmer. He was a keen waterskier, and they have a Waterski club, and waterski and recreation area just out of town, on the Gwydir River - which he, and other blokes he made friends with, frequented for BBQ's and waterskiing. Now Wayne is a genuinely good bloke, but loud and opinionated - and he doesn't generally have a lot of time for "people of colour".


So, here's Wayne and his group of waterskiing mates all set up to have a BBQ in the recreation area at the Moree waterski area - when a "bunch of Pakis" roll up for a BBQ just a little further away. Wayne immediately develops a dislike for this "bunch of wogs" that have just turned up, and starts to tell his mates about his dislike for, "darkies invading our patch".


He's a pretty good vocal imitator and a general entertainer, so he starts to entertain the others with vocal renditions imitating "Paki talk". In a loud voice, and with the appropriate Indian accent, he starts coming out with "Oh my jolly goodness! What are we doing in this foreign country?" - and "You stupid Coolie!" -  along with various other comical renditions of stage-image Indians (think "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" dialogue).

The "Pakis" shoot them dark looks on a regular basis, as they can obviously hear Wayne, and are getting the gist of the blatant racism aimed at them.


Next thing - Wayne goes to light the BBQ - and he finds they've all forgotten the matches. A hunt amongst all the vehicles ensues, and not a match or lighter can be found anywhere! A sense of dismay descends on them.

The only option? - to go and borrow some matches, or a lighter from the "Pakis"! But none of the others are willing to talk to them, after Waynes performance, so Wayne is left to go and scrounge some assistance from the "Pakis".


He walks up to them and asks, "Hey mate, any chance we could borrow some matches off you? We seem to have left ours behind!"


The bloke he talks to, promptly says to him, in an exaggerated Indian accent - "You stupid white boy!! You are telling me, you forgot your matches?"


Wayne suddenly realises the bloke is taking the piss out of him big-time and bursts out laughing uproariously - whereupon the other "Pakis" all start laughing, too.

It didn't take too many more seconds for the "Pakis" to lend Wayne a box of matches - and then they started conversing - whereupon Wayne promptly finds out, this bunch of low-caste "Pakis" are all doctors, and various other highly trained medical specialists, all having a break!

They all ended up having a good social BBQ afternoon together - and Wayne got a good lesson out of the day, about taking people at face value!

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