Quickies part 2

[nomadpete]

10 hours ago, facthunter said:

Avoid Mushroom Clouds. Nev

And mushroom lunches.

[Marty_d]

I had poached eggs and fried mushrooms for lunch today. If I were Onetrack, I'd probably be in orbit right now 😆

Edited February 27 by Marty_d

[facthunter]

I don't mind Mushrooms. The insects eat them pretty Quickly. I don't eat the ones that grow here. Not game. Nev

[red750]

Paddy O’Malley, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating they suspected he wasn’t paying his employees the statutory minimum wage. They informed him an inspector would be coming to interview his staff.
On the appointed day, the inspector arrived.
“Tell me about your staff,” he asked Paddy.
“Well,” said Paddy, “there’s the farmhand. I pay him £240 a week, and he gets a free cottage.
Then there’s the housekeeper. She earns £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There’s also the half-wit. He works a 16-hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, gets a bottle of whisky, and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife.”
“That’s disgraceful!” said the inspector. “I need to interview the half-wit immediately.”
“You’re talking to him now,” said Paddy.

[red750]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

[Marty_d]

By that logic he should have stopped after the first time... He got a hole in one!

[facthunter]

 A hole pile of trouble. The hole of creation.  Anyhow Tiger IS a Cheetah. Nev

[red750]

A Japanese gentleman was visiting the United States for the first time.
He’d seen America on television for years and was excited to finally experience it in person.
On the last day of his trip, he climbed into a taxi and asked the driver to take him to the airport.
As they drove along the highway, a Honda zoomed past the cab.
The man leaned toward the window, clapped his hands, and exclaimed:
“Ahh! Honda — very fast! Made in Japan!”
A few minutes later, a Toyota flew by.
Again, he leaned out excitedly and said:
“Toyota — very fast! Made in Japan!”
Soon after that, a Mitsubishi sped past them.
Once again, the man smiled proudly and shouted:
“Mitsubishi — very fast! Made in Japan!”
By now, the taxi driver was getting a little irritated… but he kept quiet and continued driving.
Finally, they arrived at the airport.
The driver stopped the car and said, “That’ll be $300.”
The Japanese gentleman’s eyes went wide.
“Three hundred dollars?! That’s very expensive!”
The taxi driver smiled and replied:
“Meter — very fast. Made in Japan.”