Quickies part 2

[red750]

The above came from my idiot brother. Well, I did it. Let's hope it turns out for the best.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[facthunter]

I'm NOT FALLING for that "unbalanced" advice. Why do you call him, nit?  Nev

[red750]

2 hours ago, facthunter said:

Why do you call him, nit? 

???

 

He posted it on Facebook. He's always coming up with this oddball sort of stuff.  He posted this one this morning -

 

"I must admit that Joan and I had a battle of words last night. 
You know you are getting old when New Year’s Eve sees you playing Scrabble."
 

[facthunter]

Millions of $$'s of Pyrotechnics doesn't do a lot for ME. . Nev

[red750]

[nomadpete]

This morning, my little son said, "My ear hurts, Dad."

 

Concerned, I asked, "Inside or out?"

 

He walked away, then returned through the back door.

 

"Both, Dad."

 

I think I'll cash in his university savings account.

[facthunter]

 I thought He Gave a good answer.  Nev

[red750]

May God have mercy on my soul.

 

Old Charlie sausage fingers aka "The King' decided to take up walking every day. However, his route takes him past a particular corner on which a prostitute is always standing, offering her services. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. " 150 pounds!" she’d shouted. "No, £5!" he said, from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up. This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence." £150!” He'd yell back, "no, £5!" One day, Camilla decided to accompany her husband. As the couple neared the hooker's corner, Charlie boy realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. As they neared the hooker’s corner he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass. Then, the hooker yelled; See what you get for £5, you tight b#stard!...

[red750]

[red750]

[red750]

[red750]

[nomadpete]

Nobody sitting in their nursing home has ever said, "I just wish I'd had less sx."

 

Or

 

"I just wish I'd spent more time at the office."

[facthunter]

What about the Ones that Have been confined to a room with a number of Nymphomaniics and just USED for their Bodies?  Nev

[Marty_d]

Tell us more, Nev!

[pmccarthy]

2 hours ago, facthunter said:

What about the Ones that Have been confined to a room with a number of Nymphomaniics and just USED for their Bodies?  Nev

I would try to keep a stiff upper lip.

[rgmwa]

9 minutes ago, pmccarthy said:

I would try to keep a stiff upper lip.

I'm not sure that would be the most useful response.

[onetrack]

Going limp, and pretending to be dead, would work. 😄 

[facthunter]

That's what I do When the Cops grab me.. Every second person is  a Woman. There's NO shortage of them.. Nev

[red750]

The meal in the restaurant was awful.

The diner asked to see the manager.

When the manager came, the diner said, “I want to compliment you on your very clean kitchen.”

“Clean kitchen?” the manager asked. “Have you seen our kitchen?”

“No,” the diner replied. “But it must be clean because all the food tastes like soap.”

[red750]

A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents.
While they were having dinner the girl gently farts. Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells:

– Rocky!!

The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip.

The boy’s father is getting nervous:

– Rocky!! be careful now!!

Worried no more the girl fires another one.

Feeling exasperated, the boy’s father yells:

– Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!