Quickies part 2

[spacesailor]

That's a great ' gut buster ' joke . 

spacesailor

[facthunter]

Even Just watching might be too much for some.. I'd probably say "What's a nice Girl like You, doing in a Place like this?  Nev

[red750]

I've walked the walk,

and talked the talk.

From now on,

I'll sit the sit.

[red750]

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming.

 

Now I'm homeless.

[red750]

Two guys chatting in the pub.

 

"How's your new girlfriend?"

 

"She said she wants to walk down the aisle."

 

"What did you do?"

 

"I took her to the supermarket."

[red750]

A woman in her 70's wanted to join a motorcycle club. She walked up to the door and knocked loudly.

 

A big hairy biker with lots of tattoos opened the door. She said, "I'd like to join the club."

 

The biker looked at this elderly lady and said, "Do you have a bike?"

 

She turned and pointed to a black Harley with flame decals on it. The biker looked impressed,

 

He asked, "Do you drink?" She said, "I could drink you lot under the table."

 

"How about smoking?"  "Two packets a day, and three joints in the evening."

 

The biker nodded approvingly.

 

"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" he asked.

 

"No." she replied, "But I have been swung around by the nipples a couple of times."

 

He stood aside and invited her in.

[facthunter]

Goodies are better than Quickies. Nev

[red750]

If a robot (autopilot ) can fly an aircraft, why can't a robot tick a box that says "I am not a robot?"

[red750]

A man went to a wizard and said, "Can you take off a curse that was placed on my marriage years ago?"

 

The wizard replied, "I can if you can remember the exact words of the curse."

 

The man said, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

[red750]

So I was at the store earlier today with my service dog.

The woman in front of me at checkout had a mountain of toilet paper—easily $200 worth—crammed into her cart. She looked back at me with this holier-than-thou expression and asked, “What kind of dog is that?”

I smiled and said, “He’s my service dog.”

With a roll of her eyes and a huff, she snapped, “I know that. What kind of service?”

By this point, my dog had trotted over and was happily licking her hands and trying to nuzzle her face.

I looked her dead in the eye and said, “He’s a BLD.”

She blinked. “A BLD? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“B*tt Licking Dog,” I replied.

She recoiled. “B*tt Licking Dog?!”

I nodded. “Yep. Trained to clean me up—because it’s hard to find toilet paper these days, thanks to hoarders.”

The cashier? She absolutely lost it—tears streaming, doubled over, laughing.

[red750]