Limericks

[Marty_d]

I was just watching an episode of The Crown (season 3), where Princess Margaret apparently had a fairly rowdy dinner at the White House with Lyndon Johnson.

 

Apparently the night ended with a drinking and limerick-inventing competition - which the Princess won with this beauty:

 

"There was a young lady from Dallas

 

Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus

 

They found her vagina

 

in North Carolina

 

And her ar*sehole in Buckingham Palace!"

 

(The best part was that they had the British Prime Minister reporting this to the Queen).

 

Anyway it got me thinking - perhaps we should have a thread for limericks!  Give us your best ones.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

A dashing young plumber from Dee

 

was plumbing a girl by the sea.

 

said the girl “stop your plumbing

 

i hear someone coming”

 

said the plumber, still plumbing, “it’s me!”

 

 

[Yenn]

There was a young lady, named Hilda.

 

Who once went out with a builder,

 

He said that he could and he should and he would,

 

and he did and he very near killed her.

 

Said quickly, this always results in having to say it again slowly, so that it is understood.

 

 

[Bruce]

There was a young lady from Clare

 

Who wasn't quite getting her share

 

So she came down to Gawler where luck did befall her

 

And she got fixed up in the air

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

This, I recall from year 8 English:

 

There was a lady called Lynn

 

Who was so incredibly thin

 

that when she essayed

 

to drink lemonade

 

She slipped through the straw and fell in.

 

 

[onetrack]

This one is my missus' favourite ....

 

There was a young man from Dundee,

 

Who molested an ape in a tree,

 

The result was most horrid,

 

All arse and no forehead,

 

Three balls and a purple goatee.

 

 

[Bryon]

From my dark past

 

There was a young man from Kent

 

Who had a dick so long it was bent

 

He used to fold it in two to have a good screw

 

And instead of cumming, he went

 

 

[onetrack]

This one is as old as the hills .....

 

A gentleman dining at Crewe,

Found quite a large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, "Don't shout,

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one, too!"

 

 

[onetrack]

There was a young maid from Madras,

Who had the most beautiful ass,

Not as you'd think,

Firm, round, and pink,

But grey, with long ears, and eats grass.

 

 

[red750]

There was an old lady from Clyde,

 

Who swallowed an apple then died,

 

The apple fermented

 

Inside the lamented,

 

Now she has cider inside her insides.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

There was a young man from Bengal

 

who went to a fancy dress ball

 

he went just for fun

 

dressed up as a bun

 

but a dog ate him up in the hall.