Quickies part 2

[facthunter]

OME. It depends where the harmonica goes.  Nev

[old man emu]

'Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us,

 

The first mate's name was Carter
By gad he was a farter!
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go
They'd get Carter the farter to start her.

 

However, the lyrics exist in numerous variations.  The line I know, and which refers to my ealier post finishes the Carter verse as

 

The first mate's name was Carter
By gad he was a farter!

From the hole in his ring

He'd play God save the king

And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

[nomadpete]

4 hours ago, old man emu said:

He'd play God save the king

And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

Aahhhh, that were surely the toffs version!

[Marty_d]

'Twas on the good ship Venus,

By christ you should have seen us,

The figurehead was a whore in bed 

Sucking on the captain's...

 

I forget the rest.  Good song though.

[nomadpete]

Quit it youse guys.

There's lots of bawdy ditties out there but they are not suitable for the forum.

[Jerry_Atrick]

Is someone still trying to fill in the gap?

 

 

[red750]

A guy hears a noise outside at his shed. He looks out the window and sees a burglar trying to break into the shed. He quickly calls 000 and explains the situation. The operator says "Sorry sir, we have no resources to send."  

 

The guy looks out again, and says, "You have to come. He's stealing my mower."

 

The operator again says," I told you sir, we have no resources to send."

 

Then the guy says, "Oh, don't worry about it, I just shot the twat. He's dead on the lawn.'

 

Within five minutes, there were two helicopters, six police cars and fourteen police swarming around his house.

 

There was no body on the lawn.

 

The police said, "Sir, you lied to us. You didn't shoot anyone."

 

The guy said, "You started it by saying you had no resources."

 

 

[Marty_d]

Trump goes to his doctor and takes off his hat to reveal a huge toad on the top of his head. “When did you notice that?” asked the doctor. And the toad answers: “It began as a boil on my ass.”

[red750]

What's the diffeence between in-laws and outlaws?

 

Outlaws are wanted.

[red750]

My boss died. I went to his funeral.

 

I kneeled down beside the coffin and whispered, "Guess who's thinking outside the box now?"

[nomadpete]

A man went to his doctor, and the doctor checked him over before commenting, "It looks like you get a lot of exercise."

The man replied, "Oh yes! In fact, just the other day I walked 5 miles over rugged terrain. I climbed over rocks and trees. I waded along the edges of a lake, pushing my way through tall thistles, and even slid down sandy slopes, getting sand in my eyes."

The doctor was quite impressed. "Well, you sure are a dedicated outdoorsman."

The man replied, "No doctor. I'm just really bad at golf."

[nomadpete]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic, considering all the bars it frequents, to which the horse replies, "I don't think I am." POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when any philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of cogito ergo sum, or roughly, "I think, therefore I am."

But to explain that concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

[nomadpete]

A belly button is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place.

[red750]

[red750]