red750 Posted September 16 Author Posted September 16 Some people get weird when they get old. Not me, I've always been that way. 1 2
facthunter Posted September 16 Posted September 16 You wouldn't have held down those Jobs IF you were. Dusty Crophopper was a Misfit. That was ME. Nev 1
red750 Posted September 17 Author Posted September 17 The woman decided to divorce her husband and hired a lawyer who specialized in divorces. The lawyer asked her: "So, what are your reasons for wanting to end the marriage?" She replied: "We're just too compatible." The lawyer looked confused. "Don't you mean 'incompatible'?" She shook her head. "No, I mean compatible. I love going to the cinema, and he's a huge film buff too. I'm crazy about Indian food, and he loves a good curry. We both enjoy hiking and being in nature. We even have the same views on politics and religion..." The lawyer leaned forward, putting down his pen. "I have to be honest, that sounds like most people's idea of a perfect partnership." "I know," the woman said with a sigh. "But you see, above all else, we both love men." 3
facthunter Posted September 18 Posted September 18 Both SHE and HE can have as many as they want. There's NO shortage , Nev
Popular Post red750 Posted September 19 Author Popular Post Posted September 19 Moved from another thread: Great Aussie insult - He's so narrow minded he could look through a keyhole with both eyes. 2 3
onetrack Posted September 27 Posted September 27 It must be time for some more funnies, the forum is descending into excessive levels of global gloom. And besides, it's Spring, and the days are beautiful. Ghengis Khan ran a huge Empire, and he was an outstanding Emperor King Louis the XIV ran a huge Kingdom, and he was an outstanding King Donald Trump runs a huge Country, and he's an outstanding.......... 3
Popular Post onetrack Posted September 27 Popular Post Posted September 27 (edited) The Martians have landed on Earth, and in meeting the world leaders, they have an audience with the Pope. The Pope looks at them and asks, "Do you know Jesus?" The Martian replies, "Oh, Jesus? Yeah! - What a great bloke! He comes and visits our planet, twice every year!" The Pope is astonished! "It's been close to 2000 years since he was here, and we're still waiting on his Second Coming." The Martian thinks for a moment and says, "Maybe he doesn't like your chocolate." The Pope looks at him and says, "Chocolate?" "Sure! Every year, we gather up all the chocolate from the best manufacturers, and give it to him as a gift, because he's such a great guy! What did you do to him when he first showed up?" Edited September 27 by onetrack 1 4
onetrack Posted September 27 Posted September 27 Four Cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation… "Well", says the CEO, "This is a long shot, but if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff." The Cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone, so they get hired. Everything is going well for a while, and one day the CEO calls them into his office. “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you blokes have something to do with that?” The Cannibals swear that they are innocent. The boss believes them, they all leave the CEO's office, and once out of earshot, the Cannibals leader turns to the other Cannibals. "You idiots!", he screams. "Who ate the cleaner?" One of the Cannibals sheepishly raises his hand. "You fool!", shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on Directors, Team Leaders, Supervisors, and Human Resources Managers - and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!" 4
Marty_d Posted September 27 Posted September 27 3 hours ago, onetrack said: Donald Trump runs a huge Country, and he's an outstanding.......... Count? I thought his ambition was higher than that. I must be too pure-minded...😁 2
facthunter Posted September 27 Posted September 27 Donald Trump RUiNS a Huge Country Single Handedly. Nev 1 1
onetrack Posted September 28 Posted September 28 Halloween chuckle....... What's the major problem when you have twins, that are both Witches? You never know which Witch is which. 1
facthunter Posted September 28 Posted September 28 If the Irish were that Dopey there wouldn't be as many of them as there is. Nev 2
Jerry_Atrick Posted September 28 Posted September 28 4 hours ago, facthunter said: If the Irish were that Dopey there wouldn't be as many of them as there is. Nev How many are there? 1
Jerry_Atrick Posted September 28 Posted September 28 I know a lot play Aussie rules, Rugby and Gaelic Footy, but I didn't think one needed to be smart to play those sports 😉 1
onetrack Posted September 28 Posted September 28 Thought for the Day ..... If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily. 4
onetrack Posted September 28 Posted September 28 A KFC salesman goes to see the Pope. "Your Holiness. I work for KFC, and we'll offer you $10M to change the reading of the Lord's Prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread', to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'" The Pope is aghast! He tells the salesman, "I can't just go changing God's word for money!" The man comes back the next day: "How about $50M!? Now, think of all the good the Church could do with all that money, Your Holiness!" The Pope is unimpressed. "Look, I told you. I just can't do it. I'm sorry." The guy is back a week later. "Our final offer- $500M. Take it or leave it." The next day, the Pope calls in all the Church Cardinals. "Boys, I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is, we've raised $500M for Catholic Charities." The room erupts! Everybody is so happy! The Pope waits for the room to settle down. Then, he says. "And now for the bad news. We've lost the Tip Top Bread account." 2
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