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red750

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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted


    The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
    They were very excited.
    Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
    Little Suzie led off:
    “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly:
    “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success?
    “Very good,” said the teacher.
    Little Vicky was next:
    “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”
    “Very good, Vicky,” said the teacher.
    Eventually, it was Little Joey’s turn.
    The teacher held her breath.
    Little Joey walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk.
    “$2,467,” he said.
    “$2,467!” cried the teacher:
    “What in the world were you selling”
    “Toothbrushes,” said Little Joey.
    “Toothbrushes,” echoed the teacher:
    “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
    “I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Joey:
    “I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”
    They all said the same thing:
    “Hey, this tastes like dog crap!”
    Then I would say:
    “It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?
    I used the governmental approach of giving them crap for free, and then making them pay to get the bad taste out of their mouth.”

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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
    “I’ll be home when I want if I want, and at what time I want,” he said.
    “And, I don’t expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules,” he said.
    “Any comments?”
    His new bride replied,
    “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re home or not.”

    • Like 1
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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    An Old Farmer Was Farming And Minding His Own Business.
    “There has been a wild Forest Man seen in the forest. He has little beady red eyes, and hair all over. Be careful, he might be dangerous”
    The old farmer shrugged and continued with his farm.
    About an hour later, the farmer spotted a very hairy man, with little beady red eyes hiding behind a bush at the edge of the forest.
    At first, the farmer was worried for his life but noticed how this forest man did not move, but just stared at the farmer.
    The farmer thought maybe this forest man is not dangerous, maybe he could make friends with him.
    The farmer cautiously approached the forest man (who was still hiding behind the bush), pointed at his farm and said “farm”, he points at himself and said “farmer” then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.
    The forest man did not move.
    The old farmer got a little closer to him, and again, pointed at his farm and said “farm”, pointed at himself and said “farmer”, then pointed at his hoe and said “farming”.
    The forest man remained behind his bush.
    The old farmer, feeling bold, got even closer and repeated with his actions “farm”, “farmer”, “farming”.
    This time the forest man got up and pointed at the forest behind him and said “forest”, he pointed at himself and said “forest man”, he pointed at the bush and said
    “Taking a sh!t”.

    • Like 1
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    The Lord works in mysterious ways

    in Religion

    Posted

    Many people do not believe in psychic mediums, think it is all hokey pokey. However, I have watched a number of episodes of a series featuring a 19 year old chap in the US, and the response from his subjects, or more precisely, their relatives watching via monitor from another room, are astounding. He has turned many non believers into believers, revealing secrets that supposedly no-one spoke about, and things that he had no way of finding out about if not passed to him from the afterworld. The show is called "Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry."

     

    Here is a brief video of a reading he did with actor Alan Thicke, in which he tried to warn him of heart problems within the men in his family, and not to ignore symptoms, but get them checked out. Alan Thicke, who said he was a non believer, dismissed this, saying there was no history of heart problems in the males of his family. A couple of months after the reading, Alan died - of a heart attack.

     

    Psychic reading - Alan Thicke

     

     

    • Informative 1

    Sanctions against Russia

    in Politics

    Posted

    Vladimir Putin had been due to meet with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi later this month. However, in a sign of growing Russian isolation on the world stage, an Indian government source said the meeting has now been abruptly cancelled. The move to cancel the annual face-to-face meeting was taken after veiled threats by Vladimir Putin to use nuclear weapons in the Ukraine war.

     

    See more here.

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    Old Photos

    in History

    Posted

    I know, Nev, but my old knees have difficulty standing up. I find it hard to get out of a low armchair. I saw one of those around quite a bit in the late 50's when I lived at Deniliquin, a guy had one and it was around the street quite a bit.

    • Like 1

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
    The officer says,’ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’
    The driver says,
    ‘Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ‘
    Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:
    ‘Now don’t be silly, dear — you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’
    As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
    ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?’
    The wife smiles demurely and says,
    ‘Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.’
    As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
    ‘Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’
    The officer frowns and says,
    ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’
    The driver says,
    ‘Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’
    The wife says,
    ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’
    And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,
    ‘WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’
    The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
    ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’
    (I love this part)
    ‘Only when he’s been drinking.!!’

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