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red750

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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?" 

    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: 

    #1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President. 

    #2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. 

    #3. We're here to take care of your needs, ! so we'll call you the People. 

    #4. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. 

    #5. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. 

    "Now, think about that and see if it makes sense." 

    So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. 

    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. 

    So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with the Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. 

    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." 

    The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." 

    The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

    • Haha 5

    Crazy Drivers

    in Auto Discussions

    Posted

    Industry insider Dan Ufer has urged drivers to "reduce your risk of being at fault" in any carpark fender bender with one helpful tip, saying drivers should always reverse into a parking spot. Why? Because reversing out with limited vision could increase the chance of a collision and in a two car prang, the reversing driver is always deemed responsible.

     

    "It’s best practice to reverse park into a car park because if you’re reversing, you’re 100 per cent always at fault," the Queenslander explained.

    • Informative 1

    Crazy Drivers

    in Auto Discussions

    Posted

    On 10/03/2020 at 9:17 PM, old man emu said:

    Who hasn't been booked for doing 50 in a school zone at 3:45 pm?

    There is a road at the end of our street which runs past a secondary school. The speed limit is 40 kph, 24/7. Supposedly because kids might be going the the basketball building or sports grounds at any time. The street also has speed humps, roundabouts or chicane.

    MorackRd.thumb.jpg.b25ddd26df2ae412e704d8f7cbcd8278.jpg

     

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.'


    'That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?' 

    • Haha 3

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    An Irishman's first drink with his son:


    "While reading an article last night about fathers and the sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.


    "Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.


    "I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.


    "Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?


    "He didn't. I drank it.


    "I thought maybe he'd like whisky better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!


    "In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast , Ireland 's finest whisky.


    "He wouldn't even smell it.


    "What could I do but drink it!


    "By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home!"

    • Like 2
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    • Informative 1

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A man goes to buy a Christmas tree.

     

    The salesman said, "Will you put it up yourself?"

     

    The man replied, "No, I'll put it up  in the loungeroom."

     

    --   Billy Brownless.

    • Haha 1
    • Confused 1

    Grammar Police Gazette

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I've been called Howe, Hugh, Hoff, and I've worked with a chap who spelt his name the same way and called himself Hoff. We pronounce it Huff, as in rough, tough, enough?

     

    Dad's first name was Ivan. His joke on himself was, "When his father first saw him, he said I've enough", and it stuck. He was an only son, had a sister.

    • Like 1
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