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The Best Story of the Year: 

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.  Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. 

She said, "I have a praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced. 

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil. 

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief.  The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. 

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. 

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum." 

We only have an indoor antenna on our family room TV, the one I usually watch. The loungeroom one has an outdoor antenna, but my daughter monopolises it. Since the two storey house was built next door, between us and the broadcast towers, I can only receive Channel 7 reliably. Channel 2, 10 and SBS can be received sometimes, but usually break up after a few minutes, depending on the weather. Channel 9 and secondary stations all say "No free to air signal".

Reminds me of the American girl who said: "Our TV says  BUILT IN ANTENNA. I don't even know where that is."