red750

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Pick & Pay.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfil.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Pick & Pay.

Dear Mrs. Morland:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Morland, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.

4. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

5. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

6. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

7. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

8. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.
 

1 hour ago, spacesailor said:

other guy's hand

Barack O'Bama.

I have a friend at the Men's Shed who was a service manager for a Ford dealer, and later owned his own motor repair garage. He told me he had owned a collection of 175 cars similar to those. He showed me photos of some. He had built a model workshop with tools on the bench, etc., even built a hoist on which he had mounted one of the cars. He said he got tired of dusting them, so sold the lot to a guy from Cairns.

My gripe today is with Chemist Warehouse. Sure, they are cheaper, but I hate how they use their narrow aisles as storage space. Very difficult to get to the prescription counter at the back of the store. And usually there are staff blocking them up as well while they restock shelves. Minor thing I know, but damned annoying.

Kid asked the shopkeeper, "Why is Barbie $19.99 but Divorced Barbie $299.99?"

Shopkeeper replied, "Well, Divorced Barbie has Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat and Ken's money."

Billie Brownless told this joke on the radio the other day.

Little Johnny was fidgeting badly at the back of the class.

The teacher went to investigate and found him scratching at his crotch.

"What's the matter with you?" she asked.

"I was circumcised yesterday and it's very itchy." he replied.

The teacher said, "Go to the principal's office and ask to ring your mother and tell her what's happening."

Off goes little Johnny, and a few minutes later he comes back to class.

Soon there is a lot of kerfuffle at the back of the room. The teacher investigates.

There she sees Johnny with his willy out.

"I though t I told you to ring your mother." she said.

"I did." replied Johnny. "She said if I can stick it out till lunchtime, she would pick me up."

Not new, but not bad.

I was back to Knox City yesterday for more walking, and took some more photos of the model cars on display.

Speaking of politicians pay rises...

The 17yo didn't want to go but accompanied his father.

No surprise there.

Time to get the clippers out.

What annoys me is the speed restriction signs, and the only visible people/vehicles is the traffic management contractors at the end of the slow zone.

Today, I saw a traffic restriction on the three lane Canterbury Rd., outside a house construction site. There was a truck with materials parked in the left lane, and a fork lift unloading goods in the middle lane, squeezing traffic from three lanes to one. No Stop/Go marshalls.