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red750

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    GRIPES

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I know I've griped about the useless closed captions on TV for the hard of hearing, but they outdid themselves this morning. In a news discussion about the Reserve Bank's interest decision yesterday, THREE TIMES they depicted "Cash Rate" as "castrate". How are deaf people meant to follow the news?

     

    Yes, if the rate had gone up again, many would feel like the RBA was trying to castrate them.

    • Haha 3

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
    On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
    ‘About 32,’ is the reply.’
    ‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
    A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
    The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
    Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
    She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
    The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
    Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
    He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
    It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
    They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast.
    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
    ‘I was behind you at McDonald's’.😃

    • Haha 3

    Sanctions against Russia

    in Politics

    Posted

    US: No more military aid for Ukraine  - Z-LIVE NEWS AU

    Donald Trump, the former U.S. President, has called on Republican members of Congress to focus their investigation on U.S. President Joe Biden.

     

    The demand is to suspend military aid to Ukraine until the White House cooperates in the investigation of Biden and his family. Trump is facing charges over his handling of classified documents and hush money payments. A special prosecutor is investigating Trump’s role in storming the Capitol in Washington in January 2021 and his efforts to influence the outcome of the 2020 presidential election as the German news website tagesschau.de reported.

     

    Moreover, the affair surrounding the Russia contacts of Donald Trump’s confidants continues to put pressure on the U.S. administration, as the German news website tagesschau.de reported. Trump reacted angrily to corresponding media reports and rejected the accusations. In a Twitter post, he called the reporting by the “false news media” conspiracy theories and blind hatred. He stressed that any possible connection to Russia should be dismissed as “nonsense” and was merely an attempt to explain the election defeat of his Democratic challenger Hillary Clinton.

     

    Trump accused both the “New York Times” and the “Washington Post” of illegally obtaining information. He stressed that the real scandal was that confidential information was carelessly shared by intelligence agencies, which he called un-American. The Russian president’s press secretary, Dmitry Peskov, also firmly rejected the reports. He stressed to journalists in Moscow that anonymous information should not be believed because the newspaper report was not based on facts.

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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

     I bought a NEW Truck a couple of months ago, but  took it back to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. 


    The technician kindly explained to me that this was a “SMART TRUCK” and the radio was “VOICE-ACTIVATED”. 


    He turned the radio on and said, “Nelson” to the radio. 
    The radio replied, “Ricky or Willy?”

     

    “Willy” he continued and ‘On the road again’ came on the speakers. 


    Then he said “AC/DC”, and in an instant, ‘Highway to hell’ took the place of Willy Nelson. 


    I drove away happy and for the next few days every time I said “Beethoven” 


    I would get beautiful classical music or if I said “Beatles” I would get one of their greatest hits.  


     Well, yesterday, a fella ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new truck but luckily I swerved in time to avoid it. 


    I yelled out “YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!”  

     

    And the radio said, “Peter Dutton or Barnaby Joyce?” 

     

    I love my new truck!

    • Like 1
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