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red750

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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A young Army private seeks permission from his commanding officer to leave camp the following weekend.
    “You see,” he explains,
    “my wife’s expecting.”
    “I understand,” the officer tells him.
    “You go, and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”
    The following week the same soldier is back again with the same explanation:
    “My wife’s expecting.”
    The officer looks surprised,
    “Still expecting?” asks. `Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course, you can have the weekend off.”
    When the same soldier appears again the third week, however, the officer loses his temper.
    “Don’t tell me your wife is still expecting,” he says.
    “Yes, sir,” says the soldier resolutely. “She’s still expecting.”
    “What in heaven is she expecting?” the officer. Says the soldier simply,
    “Me.”

    • Like 2
    • Haha 1

    Grammar Police Gazette

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hate to play the heavy here, but there is something grating on me, not only on this site, but more widely on the web, so not having a shot at anyone in particular, as it applies to many.

     

    RECON V RECKON

     

    Many people are using the word "recon" to mean believe, think, etc.  eg. I recon this or that...

     

    The correct word is "RECKON" as in reckoning.

     

    RECON is an abbreviation of RECONNAISANCE, and pronounced re-con. I also learned, looking it up on the web, that RECON is a gay men's organisation, and the name of their clothing and website. 

    • Like 3
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    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    Two Queenslanders, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their local pub having a few beers. 

    Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know what, I'm tired of going through life without a good education. 

    Tomorrow I think I'll go down to that community college and sign up for some classes." 

    Next day, Jim goes to the college and meets with the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Maths, English, History, and Logic. 

    "Logic?" Jim asks the Dean. "What's that?" 

    The Dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a whipper snipper?" 

    "Yeah!" 

    Then logically speaking, because you own a whipper snipper, I think that you would have a yard." 

    "That's true, I do have a yard." 

    "I'm not done yet, the Dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." 

    "Yes, I do have a house." 

    "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." 

    "Yes, I have a family." 

    "I'm not done yet, the Dean says. "Because you have a family, then logically you would have a wife".  

    "And, because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."? 

    "I am a heterosexual." says Jim. "That's amazing, you were able to find out all that because I have a whipper snipper!" 

    Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the pub. 

    He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Maths, English, History and Logic. 

    "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" 

    Jim says, "I'll give you an example. 

    Do you have a whipper snipper?" 

    "No." 

    "Then you're a poofter.

    • Haha 5

    Quickies part 2

    in Funnies

    Posted

    A teacher comes into the classroom one morning, and notices some small writing on the board.

     

    She looks closely and sees the word "PENIS".

     

    She decides not to create a rucus, and wipes it off.

     

    The next day, it's there again, only larger. Again she rubs it off and goes on with the class. This happens on the next two days as well.

     

    On the fifth day, the message says, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

    • Like 1
    • Haha 2

    Crikey it’s wet

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    14 hours ago, nomadpete said:

    Bunch a whingers!

    I guess it's all a matter of what you are used to. Like the Poms calling heatwave for anything over 30°C.

     

    Reported on the news this morning that this is the coldest weekend in Melbourne in two decades.

    • Informative 1

    Is it time for Australia to become a Republic?

    in Politics

    Posted

    You probably wouldn't have seen it on 9 even if there was no coronation. Foxtel have the contract for all matches. Money Money Money.

     

    Like AFL in Melbourne, we get the races on Saturday and local VFL on Sunday on Ch 7, even if there are matches at both MCG and Marvel Stadium.

    • Informative 2
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