Quickies part 2

[nomadpete]

My wife once told me,

"Sex is more fun on holidays".

 

It wasn't the best postcard I've ever received

[nomadpete]

As I was creeping into bed, she asked, "You are drunk again, aren't you!".

 

"What makes you think that?", I asked defensively.

 

"You live nest door." 

 

[facthunter]

Where is NEST door?   Nev

[Jerry_Atrick]

Slurred words

[facthunter]

How come she recognised you in the dark? Pete.  Nev

[nomadpete]

3 hours ago, facthunter said:

Where is NEST door?   Nev

That's Wolfie dialect.

Thought you'd figure it out.

1 hour ago, facthunter said:

How come she recognised you in the dark? Pete.  Nev

Well she did say Drunk AGAIN, didn't she.

[facthunter]

Yeah. I reckon you have been SPRUNG.    Nev

[nomadpete]

You'll never never know if you never never go.......

[facthunter]

There's a Saying for everything.. . Nev

[nomadpete]

1 hour ago, facthunter said:

There's a Saying for everything.. . Nev

There's just two things I hate....

 

1. The way things are

 

2. Change

[facthunter]

Add (as we speak).  I LOVE a CHANGE for the Better and Modern Cars are much better, than the dangerous and expensive rubbish we drove, made just pre and post WW2. I'm not a subscriber to the "They don't make them like they used to" Lament. . I'm GLAD they don't. Nev

[nomadpete]

Can't work my wife out. First she says "Sure! Get yourself a tattoo."

 

Now she's whining about the bagpipers in the garden.

[facthunter]

The ILL Wind that nobody Blows any good.  Nev

[red750]

[red750]

My friend Tony told me not to say his name backwards.

 

I said, "Y not?"

[red750]

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

 

Five. One to mix the dough, four to peel the Smarties.

[red750]

Some guys formed a band they called 999 megabytes. Still haven't got a gig.

[red750]

I asked my daughter what she thought of my hearing.

 

She said, "You're an eight on a scale of ten."

 

Why would I want to urinate on a skeleton?

[Marty_d]

She was obviously taking the piss.

[facthunter]

You should be nice to Skeletons. After all, they have No body. Nev

[Jerry_Atrick]

 

🙃

Edited Thursday at 12:30 PM by Jerry_Atrick

[nomadpete]

So, seventytwo virgins, eh?

 

That's a hellava lotta goats!

[red750]

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to buy his wife a sheer nightgown.
The clerk shows him several options ranging from $250 to $500 - the more sheer, the higher the price.
He picks the sheerest one for $500 and heads home.
He gives it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, try it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, his wife thinks, "It's so sheer it might as well be nothing!
I'll just model naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband looks up and says, "Good grief! For $500, you'd think they'd at least iron it!"
He didn't see the punch coming and should be able to see out of at least one eye by the weekend.