David2ayo

The angel at the Pearly Gates had a bit of a dilemma. He went up to St Peter, said "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves are here, requesting entry". So. St Peter headed down to talk to them. They were quite persistent, so St Peter told them to wait while he went to Higher Authority, and booked in an appointment with God. "Look," he said, "its all your Son's fault. He'll let anyone in, not like the old days when you had to follow all the rules and satisfy the Pharisees before you got a look-in. Now, all you have to do is apologise and be sorry and in you go!" So, God replied "Yes, a bit awkward at times, but just suck it up Princess, I suppose we have to let them in. Now go down, let them in and just mind your manners!" So St Peter headed back down ... "oh, no OH NOOOO!!" Rushed back to God (without an appointment, but it was urgent) and said "THEY'VE GONE!!!!" "Well, I suppose it makes it a bit easier for you if the Forty Thieves have rescinded their application" God replied. "NO ---- I mean YES ---- but , OH NOOO!" St Peter blurted out. "Come on man, settled down!" said God "Settle?" St Peter replied."NO CHANCE! They've stolen the Pearly Gates!"

I can never understand why people get frightened trying to spell long words. All you have to do, is split the word up into short sections. For example, "physio - the - rapist". Easy!

Phil, the guitar is much bigger than the radio, so you can always hide the radio behind the guitar, or maybe just let it merge with the other radio gear. I gave a guy an old cheap guitar amp, his daughter plugged a guitar in and proceeded to play - maybe nothing special, but to hear a 'jam session' live in this guy's living room was something else - I thought she was really good, she probably was ok, but to hear an intimate live performance by someone really enjoying it beats a recording of the best muso every time. David

Oh, and if you send me your bank details I'll get my Nigerian mate to fix up the finances as well .....

[ATTACH]49420._xfImport[/ATTACH] Phil, the cost of this will hardly slow down your purchase of either the guitar or a radio. David

Cnr West St and Northbourne Lane. I know its true, because Phil NEVER stretches the truth (much). David

I would hope that John Williams would make the list, and, (because my son is slightly one-eyed about him) maybe Jimi Hendrix David

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Comparing sailmakers with shade sail makers is a bit like comparing a cabinet maker with a carpenter. The sailmaker should be the better choice, whether the extra cost (and performance) is worth it, depends on the function. I have great difficulty in convincing my brother (ex racing sailor with a number of Sydney - Hobart runs under his belt) that it is worthwhile having a washing machine on board a cruising catamaran. If you are intending to race the thing, and have a possibility of winning, spend the dough. If you're out to enjoy yourself, get someone who can drive a sewing machine to cut off the bottom 300mm. And don't put a washing machine in a trailer sailer. If the clothes stink, eat more garlic. David

Phil! What are you trying to do to us? After all those doctored, half right, photoshopped not really believable ones you give us one that is TRUE!!!! David

OME, I'm a little upset at you denigrating the humble maggot - it, at least, does something useful in disposing of a useless carcase. David

1. Today, I learnt that Kansas City is in Missouri. 2. Today I also learnt that anyone printing a sign with a plain background on the print makes it very easy to hack. Bugger! (or, maybe not ....) David

Nev, with all due respect, I would suggest your correction could be made much clearer by the addition of suitable punctuation, eg " Wouldn't "has" be "have"? " Now, while I am on a severely pedantic mission, I would have thought that "many" should be capitalised. For those who are a bit curious, yes I have FAR too much time on my hands at present. I never thought that being a member on this forum would be such a challenge in correct english! David

Nev, you're too pessimistic. Individual people are usually good. Its when you get a group of them things turn bad - examples include tourists, football crowds, religious adherants (and there is a difference between real Christians and religious christians), political party members and indigenous groups. When a savvy public figure builds on the collective emotion then normally rational people can lose the plot, but take an individual out of their sphere of influence and sanity returns. David

Damn! Beaten AGAIN!

And while we are on about the wisdom of the so-called 'backward' peoples ......... Wendy was driving on a long lonely journey, saw an elderly indigenous lady slowly walking in the direction she was travelling, so, looking forward to the company, stopped and gave her a lift. The indigenous one wasn't exactly the most talkative person on earth, so Wendy offered her some chocolate to 'break the ice', so to speak. The elder thanked her, "Nice chocolate". "Yes, Wendy replied, I got it for my husband". "Good trade". If you're wondering at the small font, its so the geriatric (OK, pot calling kettle black) members of this forum who know far too much have so much difficulty reading it they won't be able to spoil a good story with the facts until long after the post has lost its immediacy. David

[ATTACH]49324._xfImport[/ATTACH] Its the same disability that these guys have got - must be catching, there's a fair bit of it about. David

You know you've got it when the copper pulls his handcuffs out as he approaches your car ....

OK, you have a mini, max 998cc, front wheel drive, with a heavy (comparatively) structure hanging off the back adding an extra pair of unsteerable wheels with the resultant extra loading, especially when trying to turn .... Hope it didn't rain while they were set up at the riverside, I doubt whether they would have got out unassisted. I wonder what Mk2 would have been like. I was glad to see that, at least the elder of the two gentlemen was wearing a tie whilst fishing .David

A gentleman was visiting the zoo, observing the Lions, when he spied a small child, having escaped from his mother, heading dangerously close to the enclosure. One of the lions, keen for some fresh meat, also took notice, and pounced. The gentleman dived at them, walloped the lion, snatched the child back, and despite being swiped by the lion and bleeding profusely managed to make his escape and hand the child back to his distraught mother. Amongst the horrified onlookers was a young lady who announced she was a reporter from the Daily HeraSun Telecrap and promised that such a heroic deed would be front page news in the next edition. She commented that it was fortunate the gentleman was wearing such tough leather clothes, otherwise he could even have been killed. He replied, it is my normal attire when riding my Harley, protection in case of falling off. The next edition headline read "Outlaw Biker Assaults African Migrant and Steals His Lunch"

- Depends on her size .... David

No, Marty, there's no blood. Thats the whole idea! David

Its sure to measure the moisture once it has ripped the glove off!

Test and Tag is required for some Government and Educational institutions, and the odd larger orgainsation where they have appointed a 'safety officer'. Had to T & T my daughters gear when she was in residence at Deakin Uni in Melbourne, (it was never inspected by the uni) and it is required in some exhibition areas, (source of POWER for the resident "technician"). I was fortunate - scored a certificate cheaply at the local TAFE, then scored a very inexpensive PAT from a Sydney wholesaler, about A$700 - Kyoritsu, works well. Of course, the beaurocracy keeps coming - it has to be calibrated annually! I suppose, overall, I have made about -$900 out of the whole exercise. I don't remember how long the course was we did, one day or 2, but I do remember that there were 2 instructors trying to teach a bunch of ham-fisted builders and cleaners and maintenance types how to replace a 3-pin plug. Knew the instructors well, so I ended up as instructor #3. I really hope none of them ever needed to do it, especially in a hurry .... David

Blade is damaged,stopping device is destroyed but you still have your fingers so you can fix it. Check out the other videos which come up, one where a guy took off a small section of his thumb but much less damage than if it wasn't there. Its a bit like a car airbag - you hope you never need it, but when it (expensively) goes off you are truly thankful. David