David2ayo

Octave, if the wine cannot breathe due to screw cap instead of cork, you probably need to give it mouth - to - mouth ..... david

Screw tops definitely better. It is much easier to screw the cap on after taking a small* sample, than ram the cork back and have it look original. Oh, and if you take more than one (or more) samples, you can always complain that they didn't fill the bottle properly. * 'small' is a relative quantity. David

OME, "Litterature" has topped my favourite list of such words. Below collection attributed to Washington Post Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. David

They've worked their fingers to the bone ....

As you get older, Nev, its a bit like the three wise monkeys. Too blind to see evil, too deaf to hear evil, but fortunately we still have access to our keyboards. David

Thanks for the 'heads up' Phil. I've now cancelled the trip to Bali, we're going to New Zealand. David

I really love cats too. We should exchange recipes.

For those who live in the rarified atmosphere of wealth and influence, there is a peer pressure to conform - send the kids to the right school, drive the right car, live in the right neighbourhood in a suitable house, be a member of the right clubs (plural, note) and wear the right clothes. A cousin of mine was up there in one of the big 4 banks, and his father told me the pressures to conform were extreme. By conforming, you would make the right contacts, hear the latest relevant gossip (sorry, insider information) and set yourself up for advancement. The sort of salary that would make me very comfortable doesn't cut it when you need to pay the gardener penalty rates to clean the place up after every Saturday night dinner party, when the catering company refuses to do it. I wonder what the lease fees are on a Lamborghini - I bet they don't own it! David the Happy Broke (well, comparatively speaking ....)

Any tool that requires someone elses technology to work is a bit sus, in my opinion. Very helpful 99% of the time, that 1% sucks! Must admit, I'm still getting my head around that "Aviate" part of the equation, so "Navigate" happens by good luck and short distances. I suppose the faster you go the more critical the tools, and military aircraft generally have stall speeds in excess of Vne of the Jab 160c I'm learning on at present.

I reckon most of them would be dead by now

Can't understand it - why don't the little rugrats do what we tell them to do, not just copy what we do ..... David

Kids are bad enough, but teachers also have to deal with the kid's parents ....

I have noticed over my (somewhat lengthy) lifespan that, occasionally, people do some pretty dumb things. With Christmas coming, with all the stress that it involves, and related poor judgement, I think it would be a good idea for all of us to ring up our mates and acquaintances, and distract them at least for a few minutes, from the horrors of life such as presented by the Murdoch press. I would suggest a regular, easy to remember time - lets say the first Tuesday in November each year, at afternoon tea time - 1502hrs probably ideal. David

Who needs a sign when you can just soap up the rim?

Transparent coffins.Will they be popular? Remains to be seen!

At a local bar in Tamworth The owner & bartender, was so sure that he was the strongest man around, that he offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money. Many people had tried, over the years: weightlifters, longshoremen, football players etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar. After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a meek voice: "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter in the pub had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed the heck out of it..... Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. The Crowd's laughter turned to total silence.... as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon.... and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000, and then asked little man: "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The little fellow quietly replied: "no, I work for the Australian Tax Office".

According to the well-known and ultrareliable media outlet, the Betoota Advocate, drought relief has been recalled. They have just found a needle in a haystack. David

Oh, the joys of calling number display. I have my home phone diverted to my mobile, so I get the called number displayed. I have had all sorts of numbers - 08, 03, mobile, even one which was only 7 digits. Unfortunately the rotten little snots have the ability to put any number they want up, and sometimes they use somebody else's real number (mentioned on ABC news a while ago). My coping method. 1, start the stopwatch. 2, while on the phone to the crim, ring the number on another phone, just to verify. 3, keep them strung along as long as you can. 5 minutes is relatively easy, if you claim more than 10 minutes I will demand proof (Youtube posting adequate).4, when they finally realise they have been had and hang up, block the number on your phone. If you haven't got the time to give them personal attention, sound very enthusiastic, apologise that you have to put the cat out, then just continue with your life. I managed about 6 minutes on that technique.I now almost look forward to the spam calls! David

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"THAT'S THE BIGGEST GOTCHA I ever got you on Peter. . .Do you Honestly Think that the Hard Right would cut off RIGHT ARMS ? ? ? dear dear me. . . . ." Phil, with spin like that, you MUST get into politics! David

Sign at the Nurses Station, maternity ward at a Sydney hospital. "Mary had a little lamb, the gynecologist was surprised. But when McDonald had a farm, she couldn't believe her eyes."

Belt on my Harley RoadKing is original at 56,000K, going well. Belt on previous machine, Springer, had a hole in it covering about a quarter or more of the width. Never gave any issues, I rode it for about 30,000km. Need to keep them tight - one of our gang members (Christian Motorcyclist Association) lost forward motion due to cross bars of rubber spitting off, eventually enough dropped off to kill the grip. In hindsight (wonderful thing, that!) if we had tightened it up and rode gently he would have made it home. David .

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and, holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now ..... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell him you have a headache!"

Sometimes there is a good reason, although my son reckons "scars are tattoos with better stories" David Tattoo Arm.docx Tattoo Arm.docx

Old K, please don't give such dangerous advice to our good mate. You obviously haven't attempted that stunt at your place, because you are still able to post. Mind you, could be a good Youtube video - Phil, let us know when you are going to do it .... David