For Pun Lovers

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For Pun Lovers... smiles for the day.

 

SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:

 

"We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you."

 

A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

 

"Blind man driving."

 

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

 

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

 

In a Podiatrist's office:

 

"Time wounds all heels."

 

On a Septic Tank Truck:

 

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels!"

 

At an Optometrist's Office:

 

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

 

On a Plumber's truck:

 

"We repair what your husband fixed."

 

On another Plumber's truck:

 

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

 

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

 

"Invite us to your next blow out."

 

On an Electrician's truck:

 

"Let us remove your shorts."

 

In a Non-smoking Area:

 

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."

 

At a Car Dealership:

 

"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."

 

Outside a Muffler Shop:

 

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

 

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

 

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

 

At the Electric Company:

 

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.

 

However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted."

 

In a restaurant window:

 

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

 

"Drive carefully. We'll wait..."

 

At a Propane Filling Station:

 

"Thank Heaven for little grills."

 

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:

 

"Best place in town to take a leak."

 

And the best one for last:

 

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

 

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."

 

 

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I had the choice of here or Silly Signs. Some are more clever than silly.

 

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The next batch.

 

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And the last batch.

 

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I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
 
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.
 
I  renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing. 
 
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
 
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
 
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
 
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favourite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
 
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
 
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
 
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
 
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
 
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
 
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
 
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.
 
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
 
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
 
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
 
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?

 

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
 
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
 
Need an ark?   I Noah guy.
 
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
 
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
 
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.   

 

 

......(If only Phil was around. He'd enjoy those.)

[Yenn]

I thought I made a mistake once, but I was mistaken.

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There's a lot more to come, but I'll save them for later.

 

 

 

.

[facthunter]

ALL good. Carry on. I often do. Nev

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