European Union "Divorce" case coming soon,. . .

[Jerry_Atrick]

This is a letter template deigned primarily by my mate Colin, for sending to new candidates standing for MP at the forthcoming UK General Election.

I've added some stuff about their consumption of subsidised alcohol and their propensity for having lots of other jobs outside of Parliament, as if the £74,000 per annum salary plus expenses isn't sufficient for a three and a half day week, plus some bits about playing games on mobile devices in the Commons Chamber. .( A regular ocurrence for those who watch the Parliament TV channel )

 

The Letter.

 

13 Every Street

 

Most Town Estate

 

Thisplace

 

WR1 RU2

 

Dear (Here, insert the name of your chosen candidate or use Sir, Madam, Non-Specific, Binary or Trans)

 

I am writing to you to express my concern at the apparent inability of the outgoing government and those members of parliament that sat on the opposition benches to actually do anything apart from moan and complain about how tough the job of being an MP is. You all know, as well as I do, that MP’s normally work a 3.5 day week and enjoy a remuneration and expenses package that most of your constituents can only dream of. The whole lot of you, from whatever side of the “so called” political divide you inhabit have become far too comfortable. 1% is good enough for the majority of British workers, why not you?

 

This enforced idleness will, if you are elected, create a void in your life and, given the myriad temptations of London could well get you into trouble. Can I suggest that you steer clear of too much alcohol, avoid the pitfalls of illicit drugs and try not to send out photographs of yourself on social media, dressed only in your underwear? Not a good look. It might also behove you to carefully consider restricting your appearances on the ABBC to the very minimum, no matter how lucrative the offer. Coming across as stupid, uniformed and ridiculously under prepared isn’t good for your image, especially if you lack the self awareness to learn from your gaffes.

 

If I were in your position I would consciously make an effort to restrict the time spent on twitter and Facebook; delete Candy Crush and Angry Birds from my expenses funded smart phone and promise to get some work done. We don’t ask much as a nation, accordingly I present a small list of things that ALL potential MP’s should see as priorities. A list in fact that if any one of you had the guts to introduce would ensure your party would be in government, not just for a couple of terms but for millennia to come.

 

1. The EU Referendum wasn’t about your “consciences” or how YOU personally felt; it was about the will of the majority of the British people. Stop with all the messing about and get four- square behind “Brexit”. Show a united front to the jackals of the EU and prove you really are the representatives of the people. Tell the EU that if they want to play silly buggers we’ll stop paying NOW and we will not be paying any exit fee. That should focus a few minds.
    
   
2. Tell the Police and the National statistics office to stop lying about crime figures and to start arresting criminals. Criminals aren’t victims, they have choices and the sooner they are made aware of this the better
    
   
3. CLOSE THE BORDERS NOW and only open them again when we have a proper set of border controls in place. I know this might be hard work, but it’s fundamental and you lot will hardly be stretched if elected, will you?
    
   
4. CONFRONT ISLAM, all this NTDWI and RoP nonsense is just blowing smoke up the backsides of the majority of the population. We all now know that Muslim “radicals” are picking out the stupid and impressionable, plying them with drugs, booze and false promises of virgins before telling them to go out and murder the kuffar. You get paid to sort this kind of thing out; please, for crying out loud get on with it. Also, I’m pretty certain we don’t really need any more mosques or people to fill them. Think long and hard about polygamy and its impact on both the British culture and the hard pressed welfare system.
    
   
5. Look to yourselves, use mirrors, use shop windows. Do you really want to work alongside and close ranks around corrupt and sexually depraved individuals? Do you honestly believe it’s possible to be an efficient MP when you are holding down 3, 4 or even 5 jobs? Do you honestly expect the voters to believe you aren’t all at risk of being corrupted when those of you that are continually getting away with it?
    
   
6. Consider, seriously, the reintroduction of the death penalty. This will allow you to bring in laws on sentencing that reflect the true cost of crime in our society, it also means that even the most “devout” Islamist will think twice before beheading a serving soldier on a British street.
    
   
7. Stop with all the “lone wolf” nonsense. It’s rubbish and it insults our intelligence.
    
   
8. Consider, very seriously, closing down the ABBC; don’t think about “radically overhauling it” or making it a subscription service. The whole corrupt edifice that was once the “envy of the world” is a nest of “liberal” vipers run for the benefit of its managers and its overpaid celebrities and presenters.
    
   

 

 

I know that these few things might seem a little daunting when, for so long, the decision making process has been in the hands of unelected bureaucrats in Brussels. But now’s your chance, if you really do have the good of the nation as your reason for standing for parliament why not try to prove it. With a little bit of good old British grit and determination I’m sure you could at least make a start. Just imagine the legacy that could be left if you began to right the wrongs visited on the majority of the population of this once fair country. Forget the subsidised beer and wine of the Strangers Bar and instead of worrying about whether your pensions will be sufficient to maintain your relaxed and cushy lifestyle in perpetuity do something.

 

Yours Very Respectfully

 

___________________

 

Hereis a potential representative response:

 

Dear Mr/Mrs/Trans/Non-Specified citizen.

 

Thank you for your recommendations on improving the methods in which politicians (and their senior civil servants) can improve the quality of service provided to the public. They are most constructive, and below is an outline of what we will do in response:

 

1. I concur that the EU starting position for exit negotiations is destructive, however, our negotiations are predicated by obtaining the best deal for the British citizen. Exactly what the best deal is and for which British citizens is yet to be defined, however, rest-assured, we have it in hand. As for the ludicrous fiscal compensation demanded by the EU, rest assured, we will not pay any more than we are due to while we are in the EU. Looking a a subsequent recommendation, if we close our borders, we won't let their bailiffs in anyway, so they can squeal as much as they like.

 

2. Despite the popular perception that we treat criminals as victims, this is normally based on gross sensationalism delivered by the popular press, which for some reason people take as gospel. We have a robust criminal procedure contained in the Police and Criminal Evidence Act, 1974 (as amended), which was the direct result of tumultuous miscarriages of justice imposed upon the Guildford 4, Birmingham 6 and other investigations of the time. Admittedly, there are some situations where the case of the accused is dropped due to some technical issue with evidence or procedure, however, these are rare and, in 2006 (I think) Lord Justice Auld's reforms were introduced including taking into account the accused criminal record in determining guilt for cases where the proof is borderline. If you could provide evidence upon which police lie about reported crime figures, we will act upon that. I do admit that we have reduced the police budget and spent more on administration than we should. Rest assured, once we have assessed the fiscal fallout from Brexit, this will be one of our top priorities to address to ensure there are more police to react to reported crime.

 

3. We would dearly love to close the borders now, however, we are still members of the EU. Notwithstanding, I am not sure what closing the borders actually means? Are we to stop all flow of people between the UK and the rest of the world? That would mean British families would be denied the right to a holiday in Spain and importantly, British business people could not engage in new business opportunities in countries outside the EU in the same way other countries can and this would disadvantage Britain heading for Brexit. Also, we would be required to import more fresh produce as we can't get the lazy indigenous population who are on a generous welfare system to replace cheap Eastern European labour to pick the fruit and vegetables, increasing prices for the hard-working Brit. Unfortunately, I can't accept this recommendation.

 

4. There is no doubt there are elements of Islam that are actively engaged in terrorism. However, the last terrorism act successfully perpetrated on UK soil was from a UK born-and-bred citizen and by-and-large and we are looking at different methods of identifying terrorism (rather than purely Islam) radicalisation and grooming and working with different elements of the community to snuff them out. You will have noticed the high-profile arrests recently made that indicate the relative success of these methods, which we continually refine.

 

5. This is one of my largest concerns with politics in the UK; I see this as a conflict of interest, especially where MPs hold concurrent positions on boards of directors, management consultants, etc, where their notion of public service can be diluted by vested interests of disproportionate gains and favours for positions. However, If I didn't have my three other jobs and two executive directorships, I would only be able to afford 1 jag while holding firefighter's pay to just above the poverty line and that clearly would not do.

 

6. We will consider it if you can provide a fool-proof way of ensuring evidence hasn't been doctored.

 

7. See 4, above

 

8. I wanted to as they showed me throwing a punch after someone chucked an egg on me. I thought they were liberal too (By the way, let's not confuse left wing with liberal - the latter, in a political context, being open to other's ideas).

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Some Pollie

 

And that cost you £158,162 to reply (we have to put that in for transparency)

 

 

[storchy neil]

Aust being part off the commwealtth has the same problem any chance that I could export the so called learners oh I mean leaders over there then you could export them to the eu Neil

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

Neil - I may be wrong, but haven't you suggested that trick once before, which was met by a firm rejection (well, until I move back to Aus, anyway)

 

 

[Marty_d]

Obviously the UK is leaning dangerously to the left, in some people's opinion anyway. To balance this out, I partially second Storchy Neil's proposal (now there's some words you'll probably never hear again....)

 

We have the following conservative figures, free to a good... er, well, any sort really - home.

 

Politicians:

 

• Tony Abbott. Former PM for about 2 minutes. Knighted Prince Phillip. Poster boy for the coal industry.
   
  
• Corey Bernardi. Found the LNP too left-leaning for his tastes and broke away to form his own party. Thinks allowing gays to marry would lead to an increase in bestiality.
   
  
• Peter Dutton. Current Immigration minister. Just who you need to close those borders, and tell lies about what happens to refugees in concentration camps on foreign soil.
   
  
• Eric Abetz. Senator from (unfortunately) my very own Tasmania. Somewhere to the right of Attila the Hun on most issues. Speaks like he's chewing his own face off.
   
  
• George Christensen. QLD polly who happily gives interviews to neo-nazi groups, then claims ignorance of their stance when it becomes public. Thoroughly nasty little turd.
   
  
• Pauline Hanson. Another QLD polly. Australia's answer to Donald Trump, shares views on immigrants, moslems, Vladimir Putin, and also hair colour. Dog-whistler of the lowest order.
   
  
• Clive Palmer (ex-senator). May not last the trip, because he appears close to death every time he's hauled into court to explain the whereabouts of millions he siphoned from his own company (causing its collapse), and the whereabouts of his nephew who is on extended overseas holidays following his own financial shenanigans. Bought his own party a few years ago and somehow got himself and some mates/employees elected as senators. Also from QLD. Just sayin'.
   
  

 

Commentators:

 

• Andrew Bolt. Columnist, cheerleader of the far right. Main claim to fame is that the government strove mightily to change hate laws (which no one else gives a damn about) because he was charged under them for racially abusing aborigines.
   
  
• Ray Hadley. Conservative shock jock. Known for making false statements on the air and refusing to back down from them. The LNP use his show to announce policy.
   
  
• Andrew Jones. Another one, even works for the same station. Thinks climate change is a hoax. May do well in London, as he has a good time there - was arrested there in 1988 in a public toilet and charged with "outraging public decency" and "committing an indecent act". Mixes his biased rhetoric with support for companies that pay him enough (eg Telstra and Qantas).
   
  
• John Laws. Yet another 2GB shock jock, also well known for endorsing products in return for lucre (but not, of course, telling his public that what should be "opinion" is actually "advertising"). Nicknamed "Golden Tonsils" at one stage - perhaps he was imbibing Valvoline - he currently resembles an ageing vampire.
   
  

 

 

So there you go, UK colleagues - almost a round dozen of characters guaranteed to tip your ship of state far to the right of centre. Although few in number, the extremity of their views - like a heavy weight at the tail - is enough to fully counteract the BBC, universities, LGBTIQ groups, reffos, luvvies, lefties and other undesirables within your society. Free of charge. We'll even whip the hat around and pay their one-way ticket.

 

 

[storchy neil]

now marty you left out shorten Gillard rudd beasly the abc Andrews oh sheeeet no room on the bloody bus gotta get another bus neil

 

 

[Marty_d]

now marty you left out shorten Gillard rudd beasly the abc Andrews oh sheeeet no room on the bloody bus gotta get another bus neil

I'm only trying to deport the right-wingers, Neil... I quite like Gillard, Beasley and the ABC...

 

 

[storchy neil]

not going there but

 

let me put it this way my hate off started with the japparat neil

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

In Marty's defence, his list was drawn up in an attempt to balance the obviously pro-left UK, which even has a conservative government promising to protect and improve workers rights! The shame of it!

 

I gather this is the start of free trade negotiations between Australia and the UK... let me rummage around - it shouldn't take too long for me to find comparable reprobates for us to trade... hope that bus has a return-trip!

 

BTW - Neil - when you mention japarrat - what are you referring to? I can only think of Murdoch, but heis only a defacto pollie....

 

 

[willedoo]

What about Mark Latham, Marty. I don't know whether he's left, right, upside down or in between. Maybe you could just lease him to the Brits for a while. They need a bit of entertainment.

 

 

[willedoo]

let me rummage around - it shouldn't take too long for me to find comparable reprobates for us to trade... hope that bus has a return-trip!

Whatever export list you come up with, Jerry, please keep Boris. You need him more that we do.

 

[ATTACH]48741._xfImport[/ATTACH]

 

[bexrbetter]

What about Mark Latham, Marty. I don't know whether he's left, right, upside down or in between. Maybe you could just lease him to the Brits for a while. They need a bit of entertainment.

He is Nationalist, loves Australia.

 

Sadly, like LePen, you can not love your country or talk about the best interests for it or you are immediately branded "Right Wing" and crucified by the Press.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Whatever export list you come up with, Jerry, please keep Boris. You need him more that we do.

"please keep Boris"

 

 

Aww, mate. . .now you're just bein' a bloody spoilsport ! !

 

 

[Marty_d]

He is Nationalist, loves Australia.

Sadly, like LePen, you can not love your country or talk about the best interests for it or you are immediately branded "Right Wing" and crucified by the Press.

How about you go back and have a look at her father and the policies he had. She's a chip off the old block.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Hereis a potential representative response:

Dear Mr/Mrs/Trans/Non-Specified citizen.

 

Thank you for your recommendations on improving the methods in which politicians (and their senior civil servants) can improve the quality of service provided to the public. They are most constructive, and below is an outline of what we will do in response:

 

1. I concur that the EU starting position for exit negotiations is destructive, however, our negotiations are predicated by obtaining the best deal for the British citizen. Exactly what the best deal is and for which British citizens is yet to be defined, however, rest-assured, we have it in hand. As for the ludicrous fiscal compensation demanded by the EU, rest assured, we will not pay any more than we are due to while we are in the EU. Looking a a subsequent recommendation, if we close our borders, we won't let their bailiffs in anyway, so they can squeal as much as they like.

 

2. Despite the popular perception that we treat criminals as victims, this is normally based on gross sensationalism delivered by the popular press, which for some reason people take as gospel. We have a robust criminal procedure contained in the Police and Criminal Evidence Act, 1974 (as amended), which was the direct result of tumultuous miscarriages of justice imposed upon the Guildford 4, Birmingham 6 and other investigations of the time. Admittedly, there are some situations where the case of the accused is dropped due to some technical issue with evidence or procedure, however, these are rare and, in 2006 (I think) Lord Justice Auld's reforms were introduced including taking into account the accused criminal record in determining guilt for cases where the proof is borderline. If you could provide evidence upon which police lie about reported crime figures, we will act upon that. I do admit that we have reduced the police budget and spent more on administration than we should. Rest assured, once we have assessed the fiscal fallout from Brexit, this will be one of our top priorities to address to ensure there are more police to react to reported crime.

 

3. We would dearly love to close the borders now, however, we are still members of the EU. Notwithstanding, I am not sure what closing the borders actually means? Are we to stop all flow of people between the UK and the rest of the world? That would mean British families would be denied the right to a holiday in Spain and importantly, British business people could not engage in new business opportunities in countries outside the EU in the same way other countries can and this would disadvantage Britain heading for Brexit. Also, we would be required to import more fresh produce as we can't get the lazy indigenous population who are on a generous welfare system to replace cheap Eastern European labour to pick the fruit and vegetables, increasing prices for the hard-working Brit. Unfortunately, I can't accept this recommendation.

 

4. There is no doubt there are elements of Islam that are actively engaged in terrorism. However, the last terrorism act successfully perpetrated on UK soil was from a UK born-and-bred citizen and by-and-large and we are looking at different methods of identifying terrorism (rather than purely Islam) radicalisation and grooming and working with different elements of the community to snuff them out. You will have noticed the high-profile arrests recently made that indicate the relative success of these methods, which we continually refine.

 

5. This is one of my largest concerns with politics in the UK; I see this as a conflict of interest, especially where MPs hold concurrent positions on boards of directors, management consultants, etc, where their notion of public service can be diluted by vested interests of disproportionate gains and favours for positions. However, If I didn't have my three other jobs and two executive directorships, I would only be able to afford 1 jag while holding firefighter's pay to just above the poverty line and that clearly would not do.

 

6. We will consider it if you can provide a fool-proof way of ensuring evidence hasn't been doctored.

 

7. See 4, above

 

8. I wanted to as they showed me throwing a punch after someone chucked an egg on me. I thought they were liberal too (By the way, let's not confuse left wing with liberal - the latter, in a political context, being open to other's ideas).

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Some Pollie

 

And that cost you £158,162 to reply (we have to put that in for transparency)

 

Mate posted the original onto three online newspapers. . .the Times deleted it within one minute, . . . the Daily Mirror left it up for an unbelievable twenty minutes, but the Specttator. . .it stayed there for over half an hour, with some humorous replies. . . they actually 'Got it' that it was' tongue in cheek' . . .not known for humour the Speccy. . . . I was impressed !

 

Excellent edit BTW Jerry,. . .VG.

 

 

[storchy neil]

sorry jerry spelling finger japarit it is a ship a resupply ship for Vietnam 1964 to1971 neil

 

 

[Jerry_Atrick]

sorry jerry spelling finger japarit it is a ship neil

No worries, squire - I have limited ability to infer anything from anything..

 

 

[storchy neil]

willedo been watching mark quite a bit lately I did not have time for him changed his tune some what neil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

The following missive is a letter sent to a Conservative candidate standing in a 'SAFE SEAT' for the forthcoming General election in the UK.

 

I'm posting this as the bloke is a personal friend but far more erudite that I, he is an historian, who penned the recently posted articles about the Mosquito raid on the Prison at Amiens. I cannot fault his sensible and logical thinking on this important subject.

 

Over to friend BP.

 

I thought I’d like to share with you all, the missive I’ve sent to my local MP. Tory, safe seat. Reasonable man and no detected form for 'troughing' as yet. Probably went into

 

politics for the best of reasons, but has realised his limitations within the system. I made my displeasure known to him as he voted Vaz onto the Select Committee. Feeble excuse and I told him neither he nor any of his party would ever get my vote again:

 

Dear Mr XXXXX

 

As the General Election approaches, I have no doubt that you will be voted in as the MP for XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I also have no doubt that the Conservatives will win a substantial majority, not because of your policies but because all of the opposition is woefully inadequate and most people, aren’t stupid. Therefore, I hope you won’t regard me as being presumptuous, but may I offer some views, which I feel reflect the views of many people in this country and what they are looking for from a strong and stable government.

 

The forces of the liberal elite and socialists will be bitter and angry. They will attack your

 

government at every opportunity through the mainstream media who are fellow travellers. You must expect a wave of industrial unrest, particularly in the transport, public sectors and the

 

NHS. Be prepared for this, be resolute and ruthless. Disregard the media. The public and your constituents will support you if the government truly is strong and stable. I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?

 

Stop squandering £12 Billion of our money per annum on foreign aid, propping up corrupt and failed countries. I have

 

worked in a number of these places and can assure you that so-called aid is misdirected and wasted. The current aid budget takes money from poor taxpayers in rich countries and gives it to rich people in poor countries. There is absolutely nothing you can say to justify this travesty, so please don’t even try.

 

Stand up to Europe, specifically Germany and France. We did not vote for a hard or soft Brexit. We voted to leave the EUSSR. We were not stupid and despite the appalling lies and propaganda presented by the Remain faction, the British people were aware of the risks and likelihood of leaving with no trade deal. The majority of us thought it was a risk worth taking. Please respect and honour that. Be forthright and don’t be afraid to use the threats such as intelligence sharing and NATO. You hold all the cards and despite Junker’s drunken bluster, they know it as well. Be prepared to go in hard. To use a rugby analogy, if you go into tackle someone half-heartedly, you will get injured.

 

Stop importing the equivalent of a city with the population of Newcastle, every single year. Your government has been particularly weak at addressing this, as was the coalition before. Have a plan and resource it. Employ and train more border staff if necessary. The “but what about our NHS and foreign workers?” they bleat. If they have a job to come to, all well and good. We don’t need any more Romanian car washers. And here’s a novel idea. What about training our own NHS staff instead of denuding other countries of their health staff?

 

Reign in the mainstream media, especially the so-called BBC who are acting contrary to the interests of the people of this country. You have a national broadcaster, funded by tax on pain of imprisonment, undermining the President of this country’s closest ally. It is not the job of the

 

BBC to be the mouthpiece of the Democratic Party. Don’t pander to them. Most sensible people get their news from other, more balanced sources and those who would believe BBC and Channel 4 nonsense wouldn’t vote for you anyway. I saw the way the BBC operated and reported in Iraq, and frankly, I have nothing but contempt for them.

 

Stamp out political correctness and common purpose philosophy in what is now referred to as the Police Service. The police should be a cross-sectional representation of the communities that they serve. They should operate with the consensus and good will of the community that they serve. Get them to do their jobs, tackle difficult issues such as predatory sexual abuse by grooming gangs of mainly Muslim Pakistani or Bangladeshi origin. This is happening now, less than 25 miles from the borders of your constituency. Be honest and truthful and stop referring to them as having “Asian” origin. Our loyal friends in the Chinese, Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist community find this particularly insulting. The community want the police to tackle

 

life-destroying, so-called low level crime. They care not one jot whether the uniforms their Police Service wear are gender neutral or not. They want burglaries investigated and the perpetrators caught and punished. Not a crime number over the phone.

 

Stand up to the whips. Ask yourself, is what I am voting for in the best interests of my

 

constituents? Be proper Conservatives with a long-term vision for this country, nor five-year-term Tories who are nothing more than the blue wing of the Liberal Democrats. You will have great opportunities as a Government probably with a lifespan of 15 years, as it seems that Labour has nipped into the TARDIS and gone back to the 1970s. Think like the Victorians who built sewers, bridges and railways, which we are still using today. You will get

 

your thumping majority. Please use it wisely. UKIP will be of no significance, but if the electorate sees any backsliding on Brexit, or mismanaging the country, UKIP or another party from the rump of Labour will rise up and you will be punished in 5 years’ time.

 

But what do I know?

 

No reply as yet, but I only sent it yesterday,( 16th May 2017 )

 

H/T BP.

 

 

[storchy neil]

Hey phill export him over here to me he is telling like it should be very level headed I like the man Neil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Hey phill export him over here to me he is telling like it should be very level headed I like the man Neil

Very well educated and fair man is BP. . . .he sent me another 'War Story' article which he has not published anywhere just yet, but it isn't about flying, it's about the Battle of Dien Bien Phu, in Vietnam, 1954. . .I didn't think anyone would be particularly interested in that as there's no aviation aspect to it ( I heard that one or two on this forum like that flying stuff too. . . )

 

 

[storchy neil]

When published through it my way Neil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

When published through it my way Neil

Neil. . . . I've posted it into the Politics section. . . .

 

Phil.