Phil Perry

The girlfriend dumped me over my obsession with Hollywood boxing films. Not for long, though; We were just going through a Rocky patch.

The clowns that he has employed in his new cabinet are even worse that the crap we had before ! !

[ATTACH]50189._xfImport[/ATTACH]

Bojo has already sacked Fifteen members of the cabinet, with more to come. . .this is 'Matt's' view. . . [ATTACH]50188._xfImport[/ATTACH]

I was playing darts with my pet hedgehog last night. I scored 795 with my first throw.

Thought for the day. . . . Bread is just raw toast.

I once refereed a game of darts between the world’s tallest blind men. It was all above board.

A genie once popped out of a lamp and slapped me in the face. I said, ‘What did you do that for?’ He said, ‘You rubbed me up the wrong way.’

Dick Emery - . . . Was a Private Pilot and amateur aircraft builder. Not much about this on Wiki though Outside show business, he enjoyed flying, and held a pilot's licence from 1961 onwards.

I still love re-runs of Dad's Army though,. . Gentle humour without any smut or innuendo.

Retired in Jamaica or so I'm told. . . .

[ATTACH]50173._xfImport[/ATTACH]

t certainly IS mate,. . I was Sick to death of drinking from cans and getting dribbles down my shirt fronts. . .. . . .

General Carpenters, when I was at school, measured and cut to a tolerance of 1/8th Inch or.125 Inch. . .roughly 3mm. . This appeared to work throughout the house consttruction industry,. . bear in mind that a saw blade was 3mm thick. . window and door frames required some more accuracy of course. . but this was understood. Then, we Engineers were expected to work to tolerances of a Tenth of a Thou. . .doesn't seem fair does it ? ?

A friend of mine came to me in tears, saying he’s sick and tired of his apple tree not bearing any fruit. I told him to Man up, . . and grow a pear.

Head in my hands. . . What can we do with these Houses of Retards ?. . . Here's the best suggestion that have seen in years. . . . [ATTACH]50166._xfImport[/ATTACH]

HMS Queen Elizabeth 2 returns to base for repairs. . . I note that 100 tons of seawater has flooded part of one of our Brand New carriers due to a ruptured pipe. Do we not now install sea cocks on all spigots that perforate the hull ? There is no urgency though, as we don't have any aircraft to fly off them. . .

[ATTACH]50164._xfImport[/ATTACH]

[ATTACH]50163._xfImport[/ATTACH]

I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’.

I’ve just heard that vandals have stolen the F from the Funfair sign in our town. Now that is just unfair.

17yr old Scottish student expelled from college for disputing that there are more than 2 genders. Initially, Mr ‘Murray’ was suspended from college, then shortly after he was expelled. A 'GoFundMe' page, started by sme of his friends was banned. This is the state of 'Education' in the UK. I have seen an actual Video of his exchange of views with the Lecturer, taken surrepticiously by another student. . . I'll try to find this again and post it here. Rational people won't believe it really happened in a place of supposed higher learning.. EDIT TO ADD INFO. Teenager, 17, who insisted there are 'only two genders' is suspended from school | Daily Mail Online

When I was a very small child in England, I told a lot of lies. It was the only way I could get what I wanted with a big brother and big sister. I always knew I was telling lies and was always told that grown ups never did tell lies. Then as a teenager I found out that not only do grown ups tell lies but they often convince themselves that this is the truth. When large numbers of people start believing the same lie we call it mass hysteria or a cult. Jesus Christ repeatedly warned people against this sort of behaviour, but one of the most interesting aspects of Christianity is that he could never prove he was not just another cult leader selling a big lie. Now we have a strange World where we are not only asked to believe in lies but risk imprisonment if we admit to not accepting them. These range from the EU improving the environment when it is clearly destroying it, to men being women and vice versa, to Islam being a religion of peace and Muslims the victims of genocide when they are clearly the main perpetrators. The strangest thing is having politicians who convince themselves that they have the backing of constituents when the opposite is glaringly obvious

[ATTACH]50156._xfImport[/ATTACH]

Theresa May highlight her support for LGBT rights on 7 / 7. . .WHat a 'Caring' individual she is. . . [ATTACH]50155._xfImport[/ATTACH] They were not 'LOST; you stupid Moron,. . Innocent travellers Being blown up indiscriminately on an underground train and a Bus is termed 'MURDER' . . .Just like all those Kids and parents at a music concert in Manchester who were blown up by a Looney Islamic suicide bomber were not 'LOST' they were aso MURDERED. Just say it like it is FCS. It will be a VERY good day when this Horrible excuse for a Woman is consigned to the Dustbin of history as the WORST Prime Minister ( And Home Secretary for seven years before this ) that this Once Great Country has ever had.. I am prepared to concede that LOST at Sea, is acceptable,. . but it is disingenuous in the extreme to use the term when innocent people are Murdered in any WAY SHAPE OR FORM.