PA.

Enough of this thread drift, it's time to get it back onto the serious business.

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Who decided to put that sign there?

 

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Fixed it.

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I was having a sneaky pee at the local pool. The Life Guard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

[ATTACH]50279._xfImport[/ATTACH]Seems legit.

Location can also play a part in the English language. 

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Looks like a nice ride.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in our languag is disgrasful and should be eliminated.

By the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza -- Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German, like zey vunted us to in ze forst plas.

Doctor asked "Are you and your wife sexually active?"

I replied, "No she just lays there."

Hotel room with a view-

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Careful boys or you might get Baa'ed.

It may have been cardboard but at least she had a box.

Why use a printer and a Shredder, use a Shrinter.

This subject was touched upon at a recent family meal. . .I have been reliably informed by Both my Daughters that, I will not be a Grandfather within my limited lifetime. . . .Bloody career women. . .grrrr. . .

I want to see the video of the wife in the basement catching the firewood and stacking it neatly.

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I was chatting with a Surgeon the other day at the Qantas Club. He said he felt terrible. I inquired why he felt so terrible and said he was allergic to being sober.

Would we cop a fine if we said "Fill up the camion" with diesel"Or do we even have a word police, ?

 

spacesailor

Gazole is Diesel in France.

YOU had a PHONE !.I was a married man with children before a phone appeared, Also emigrated from mother England.

 

First house for married life, No Toilet inside, No power points, & No phone.

 

Childhood house, No running water inside.

 

you guys are so lucky !.

 

Must live in a LUCKY country.

 

spacesailor

Breaking News . . . .

A nine year old girl has disappeared after using a moisturiser which makes you look ten years younger.

That moment when you realize that going commando was not your best idea.

These ones?

 

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It's not that difficult, here is one I did earlier.

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was always a dreamer when I was a kid.

I told my mum I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, She told me not to be stupid. . .

 

you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.

Happy 2019 people, happy 14133 dogs.

Xmas shopping done. That's 15 minutes of my life I won't get back.

Hit it well.

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